Remember remember the 5th of November....
I've been thinking about addiction and how it seems to be everywhere. Of course some are very visible, and some are more tolerable than others. Having lived with an alcoholic, the pain and sadness of not being able to do anything to stop it is a constant reminder of how difficult it is to tackle. Not being able to pierce that bubble of denial and exhausted by efforts to reason the person, I removed myself and detached emotionally.
History seems to repeat and I turn inward to check whether I have my own denial bubble. When procrastinating and sleeping long hours and gazing or spacing out, I deny my realities and postpone that moment to take action and be productive. That is indeed my biggest luxury I indulge in. Putting it into words help define the pains and obstacles.
Far from any social circle, my addiction to slow living and idleness feels apart from everyone else's time and space continuum. The clocks are ticking so regularly it does not feel like time but a lulling song. The little indoor forest soaks the autumn sun and sooth me into lazy comfort, and I am grateful I can still enjoy the luxury of peace and quiet despite my deep inner stress and anxiety for the future.
As I take stock of what's around me, I find the courage to put another foot forward, doing what comforts me and building strength to confront my angst. My addiction is spending, accumulating, traveling and food, certainly. And writing helps. I hope my loved ones find that bolting realization to burst their denial bubble, to face their pains and discomforts, and find joys in the everyday luxuries around them.
