What is left of year 2020?

 The year 2020 whizzed by, disturbing habits and beliefs. It brought me comfort in isolation, and time to explore new hobbies and thoughts processes. It brought health at the forefront of our mind and changed the priority of my relationship with others.

Some strange questions came up to mind.

-Why did I not consider working from home as viable? There is reduced stress from hearing colleagues with unnerving comments or discussions.

-Why is my voice or contribution not taken into account?

-What can I do truly on my own?

-What is love? I get attracted fairly easily but won't even lift a finger to fight for it.

-Why am I not ready to show my ugly self ?

-Does accepting other people's ugly self feel burdening and stressful?

-Why does it feel like I am treated as a push over?

Mental health is claimed to be a major victim of covid19. Let's see in 2021 if it can be turned around positively. I still enjoy myself and have so many things to try yet, even if strangely my mind has started to explore uncomfortable situations and whatifs. 

I cannot know its limit until I put it to the test after all.

Looking back

It has been more than a year since I sat down and wrote something. Maybe I was out of time, or maybe I did not want to look inside myself and face the faults I have been trying to ignore.

I held a handwritten journal during what I usually think as the lowest point of my life. I have emerged from it as the voice of social norm indicated there are worse off than myself.

But since I am confined to myself, before I look forward, I have to look back a bit to learn what I should avoid. With a bit of perspective, I may find what I should run to. A sense of urgency has taken over me, as I finally understand how time is affecting me and those around me.

When I have a good time, it sure is with friends and family. We learn from each other and we plan the future together. But I sense that we could do much more. I will explore what we enjoyed doing well and what was painfully necessary but helping us grow.

When I am about to explode from frustration, I just want everything around me to dissapear in pain. Why the frustration? I was told we had different values and priorities and I could not understand that. Indeed in the past 9months I believe I forced myself to let go of people's incompetence, insensitivity inefficiency and malpractice. After all, what matters is only how I rate myself and how I can iprove.

So while my weekend routine is extended to weekdays - though including working from the kitchen - I will finally learn to prioritize myself and feelings, and finding a new dream.

My top 5 things to do when recovering from the flu

So despite being vaccinated from a few weeks ago, I managed to get some flu variant and got stuck in bed for a few days having cold sweats and unconscious dreams. My doctor even wore a mask with panic when I showed up for a consultation. And after 3 days straight in bed, I rediscovered the strange reality around, where the following activites seem to be the best I can do while recovering.

I recommend the following to avoid staring at screens and getting more fatigue.

1-daydreaming and dozing off
After all, you are still recovering and a bit of daydreaming and jogging your brain cells to do nothing is a great rest strategy. If you have the fridge full and laundry done, there is nothing else that matters. Even if you are tempted to tidy up and sort out your wardrobe or items lying around the house, your tired body will urge you to pause.

2-taking aimless walks
This is best if you live out in the countryside, as the fresh clean air will do great for your recovery. Whether going to the post office when it is closed, or going for some groceries and forgetting what to buy due to the extreme daydreaming, this activity will make you appreciate the season and the beautiful countryside around you, lifting your spirit and reinvigorating your sore body.

3-reading books
Yes, try to avoid screens as they will tire your head much faster than a real good book. Besides, a good book will help in achieving creative daydreaming and escape the predicament you are in. I love to browse travel magazines too when I have no new books to read.

4-writing
Now this is a lost art these days: writing letters. Maybe it is the prospect of not seeing anyone for a few days, or the fact that friends and family are missed during those days stuck in bed. Writing lovely letters on pretty stationary is a timeless introspective moment. If not, reducing that pack of greeting cards or clearing the stationary box gives a refreshing feel. Alternatively you can try colouring books or painting. After all the daydreaming, you will be tempted to express yourself. So even writing poems or just whatever you think can be pretty satisfying.

5-sewing
I have a basket full of clothes to be mended and shortened so sewing in the sun is both practical and money saving task. It still allows for daydreaming and blanking out.

On an honorable mention, healthy cooking and thinking of the future can be enjoyed too but I must say they are far too tiring when under flu drugs.

There is also one thing you MUST NOT do: think about work.

New pressures

Who has never dreamed of being a head of something?

I wanted to be the boss and have always felt I liked to boss people around. Be careful of what you wish for is a saying I truly understand now. With a  new assignment in the works it finally dawned on me I will be an acting global head (without the salary)  of a team I still need to get acquainted with on paper (print that departmental diagram!).

Losing sleep, I am trying to find out what in my experience of micro-managing 3-4 colleagues would help me in my new task....the other half of the brain is trying to think of ways to take holidays while in a foreign country far far away in southeast Asia.

Throwback thursday: stuffed animals

It's that time of the year when the last garage sales and yard sales of the season are popping up around town. Although there should be a lot of things to let go, it can be emotionally difficult to part with some memento.

An example is a bag of stuffed animals I have been keeping, not using.

Red bear prompts memories of overnight Greyhound bus, uncomfortable Greyhound bus station chairs, and a fun trip with friends who are now all over the world.

January is a cute bear, like its current owner. How can I give her away when I received so much love?

Another personal item, reminder of an era, college friends and places, that is difficult to overlook. What should I do?

Yes it is cute, and it melts my sorrows. It also reminds me of Canada and people close to my heart.

It is a bit cheeky but it has an understated quality to it, making me smile and cringe at the same time. Why have I been keeping it? Do I need another reminder of people I love?

Orange cat unfortunately does not remind me of anything special but he is funny (yes it is male because of the big head). And because it is not associated with any memory it is refreshingly relaxing to have...

Mini panda is so soft and tiny, and my favourite animal so it feels useless to part with it. The benefits of keeping it exceeds the disturbance of keeping it as it does not take much space.

Sleepy is my natural state until 10am. And I associate it with trips to Orlando Disney World and analogue pictures.

Ironically this is the first memory of lemur I have, from seeing lemurs in a zoo in Washington DC. It reminds me that I need to seek and appreciate what I have nearby before looking at things far away.


So when deciding to part with them all, I really feel the lyrics of this song:


I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am chained
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm cold and I am shamed and bound
And broken on the floor
And I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn


I have 3 days to decide until the next yard sale...I am on an emotional roller-coaster !

A taste of...

Recently my peers and myself had to attend a team building session with human resources to try to mend things with our new boss. So all of us including our boss and his boss were subjected to an exercise that I found kind of interesting because weeks later I am still trying to make sense of it.

The premise was simple enough: we were on a balloon ride, which was unfortunately having an accident and was falling down to earth at a dangerous speed. And the supposedly only solution to slow down was to throw things overboard. On top of that we were to choose a character among a list (or off the list, which could have been more advantageous). And we had to argue to each others why oneself was needed instead of being thrown out.

So at the beginning we had  the folowing characters on board:
Roger Federer
Nelson Mandela
Marie Curie
Pere Noel (Father Christmas or Santa Claus)
Neil Armstrong
Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin
Thomas Edison

Each of us defended ourself as their character for a minute, basically emphasizing our own strength (physical strength, knowledge of air navigation, speed of movement, engineering skills) and the benefit our lives and  achievement would have on humanity if we survived.

Then each of us would vote (for someone other than ourself) for the character that we choose to stay in the balloon. It wasn't a big surprise in fact that the Count von Zeppelin had the most vote since he pioneered the rigid airship idea and claimed to know how to manage the balloon. Roger Federer and Thomas Edison had no vote and were thrown out.

However that was not the end of the exercise. A second round took place, and the remaining characters had to convince the others again why they were still needed alive. This time, some strategies and pleading came into the arguments: Von Zeppelin still knew his things and asked to be trusted, while claiming to be ready to sacrifice himself if needed. Mandela was promoting himself as a negotiator and having experience dealing with opposite characters. Curie didn't have much to say but insisted she was not too heavy. Pere Noel indicated that faith and hope was needed during these hard times. Neil Armstrong promoted his engineering skills. For the second round voting, Federer and Edison characters could also vote. And the Neil Armstrong character got the boot.

Personally, as I suspected at least a third round of voting would take place, I voted for the one I though would not get any vote, and who made a weaker argument than my character. I was tempted to make a weak argument myself but since I was first to present my argument, it would have become too memorable and too risky. So I had to reach out to the guts feelings.

The third round was even more desperate and the remaining characters resorted to pleading mostly. At some point it became difficult for me to listen to the others as I had to find my own arguments to present and convince. I tried to offer a miracle solution as I was last to present my argument.

The result of the last round turned out to be surprising: Mandela and Curie had a vote each, Von Zeppelin had a few votes, but the majority went for Pere Noel.

As the HR mediator indicated, it was a nice result before Christmas as it seems the majority still believed in Santa Claus!

For me though it was an exhilarating and somewhat revealing that the least realistic character among the bunch would get so many votes. I expected the character to be the first to be carried overboard.
-First round: "You know I can get to billions of chimneys and families in 24h every year, ending time and space dimensions.  I can get this job done."
-Second round:"in this time of panic and despair, you need to believe in miracles and what seems impossible. Put yourself together and don't loose hope. I have summoned my reindeers from the North Pole and they are on their way and will be here soon"
-Third round:" The reindeers are here. Some of us can leave the balloon without danger and go inside the carriage to be flown back to the ground. The rest of us can do the same after the first group is safe"

I picked the Pere Noel character from the list. My colleague said I sold the character very well and they could not have defended it like I did.  I enjoyed trying to grab the other's attention by appealing to their feelings. I know these arguments would have made more impact with me if I were in that situation, as logical and rational reasons were indeed reassuring, but not grabbing me by my gut feelings: engines, chemistry reaction, gravity...sure, but miracles and magic were better.

I still wonder what was the point of the exercise from HR's viewpoint. For me anyway I found out I was easily engrossed in character and totally invested emotionally.

After the exercise, one colleague confessed he just voted for me, not my character. Which made me think that many people would also vote for a candidate that not necessarily argues or present well or has a solution, but above all a candidate that they champion/support, or just a candidate that is not someone they do not like/not want to win.

So although I was happy somehow that my character was popular, it was not necessarily thanks to the arguments I presented, but my own persona. It made me doubt my own arguments. I wonder if elected candidate could experience those doubts.

Weeks later I realized I should have picked GOD from outside the list...

What I don't say out loud...

-That it burdens me that you ask the same thing over and over again because I know I'm going to flip the lid again and can't deal with the aftermaths. I'm not ready to deal with this kind of situation again and I don't care enough about you, dear colleague, so quit it.
-I'm rehearsing silently my goodbye speech every night before drifting to sleep. There is no longer any happiness but only things to change and not under my control in the job.
-I'd rather stay home watch a series than noone knows about around me than go out drinking or hang out with my colleagues
-I wish I had enough money to do liposucion on my fat belly
-It takes me days to learn a piece on the piano, mainly because at first it is exciting, and as time goes I get annoyed at my lack of talent, and am tempted to give up midway.
-I love studying but it feels that is the only thing I can somehow do up to my own standards
-Speaking of standards, some days feel like a day out in illusions or just pure nightmare: pretty girl is dumb, annoying guy keeps jumping into conversations and keeps stressing me out, everyone loks after themselves and ignores the elephant in the room. So I pretend there are really hot guys waving at me by the windows...and smile....Someone in high school wrote in my souvenir book that my smile is the best. I am forever thankful for the tip, because it also helps me find that happy place in my head
-I realized I might be afraid to love again or to rely on someone because I am very good at relying on someone completely, to the risk of loosing myself. It'd be nice to trust someone again but so far there seems to be thousands of miles physical distance between us, and a millions of unknowns...so I can be frank because ou're so far away.
-I love marron suisse and have no discipline around it. I might ignore everything else when I eat it.
-I've gotten used tot ravel on my own. How is it going to be when I'll travel with others again in September? Will I be able to enjoy it?
-I dreamt of being together with you for a long time, gazing out of the window and just being comfortable together. Dancing with you reminded me of dancing sweetly with my grandfather. But you let me down at least twice and I can't be hurt anymore. I might be cold and snappy the next time we meet
-I need to prepare a song for your 10 year anniversary, and maybe a dance for fun.
-I need to save money for your 40year anniversary, because I really want to do it
-I can only see the future up to my last planned holiday....
-Thank you for making my heart race from time to time when yous mile, but you are too young and I don't want to stress out.
-I somehow get scared often in the dark for no reason, imagining scary things...is it a sign I have something or someone to protect? I miss going to martial arts training to get rid of the tension and train those reflexes...

In the meantime, let's act cool and detached and think about the imaginary scene outside the windows...

a new beginning?

Reconnecting with this screen was difficult, but today is a new start. There are a lot to catch up with but I vow to look forward.

I strapped the pace counter as soon as I woke up, and paced around to dust and mop the flat (only 1200 steps). And then I walked proudly to the gym, 500m away, to greet the lads and turn in my gym card as my 6 month subscription expired!  After that it was a long walk across town to check out the music school open doors (too many kids, scared me into joining a voice class), and went shopping for groceries.

By the time I got the food, it was lunchtime and I was exhausted from all the walking (only 8000 steps). So I took the bus home, had a muffin and had a 15min power nap. Then it was time to get out again to get more groceries. Eventually on my way to the supermarket I achieved the required 10 000 steps, and felt the pressure lift.

Finally at home, more napping and organizing and planning for tomorrow's next 10 000 steps

The goal of maintaining that rhythm for 100 days looks pretty challenging. But there is peer pressure and a deadline to fit into summer clothes, so it must be done!

A turning point?

It's a time of the year where tourists visit, or people go on holiday. It's a time when I also want to go away, just for the sheer escape of breathing new air, be anonymous and get some distance to be able to reflect on my life choices. So it was with teary eyes that I watched this TED talk by Mr Pico Iyer. 
It really rung true to my current situation, and made me realize that:
1-I am not that special (aww too bad)
2-I am not alone and what I feel may be normal (what a relief!)

Sometimes I need a bit of reassuring when lost, demotivated, frustrated and not sure of the vision of my future.

Which bring me to why technology is taking over my life...(because watching a video is cheaper than a therapist?)

Sci-fi novels with depiction of cyborgs or electronic enhanced humans or even just behaviours are no longer far off in the future. How many times did I get out of the house without my earphones on, listening to music or podcast? How many minutes can I survive without checking my emails, social media, or news on my smartphone? And if I don't do it, I look at everyone around me and they are all checking their smartphones or tablets, or being immersed in the musical world fed by their earphones...

It's not that I cannot see my current location with new eyes. It's mainly because I don't want to see the other people around me, knowing I see them everyday, and not interested in getting in contact with them. If applied to other relationships (at work, with the family), what other blindfold am I using? The question is disturbing and kind of brain shattering...Am I really deceiving myself so blindly?

Before my schizophrenic symptoms gets recognized, I will need to catch up to write my travel journal from last year, in time to escape again to that glorified past...

The importance of being number one..

Being first or being best seems to be the main objective around: best in class, first in course, first on the moon, first to arrive, first class cook, etc...On a slow evening, I wondered what the rest of us humans with no known talent or gift could be doing or aspire to. Is there something, anything, that I can be first or best at? Or is the question a self help tool to gain self confidence?

To answer it myself, as expected, is to compare myself to others, for sure. Strangely, being umber one can be assumed as well, which led to differen feelings when it was discovered it wasn't true. Not so much a sense of self importance, but a general assumption when I was young, and the world revolved aroun me (at least that was my idea).

I got a shock when I got the second best grade in Maths. Being stunned and unable to believe the world, nor the teacher. Strangely years later, when I was among the last in class, I didn't feel the same surprise or astonishment, but rather a sense of resignation and amazement at the size of the unknown before me. It felt like I didn't know the world anymore, and that I just needed to find the leading thread among the millions of possibility so that I could make sense of it. Funnily enough, I enjoyed being second and still yearn to be second in many things unindentified, because the spotlights and pressures are less of a constraints.

Being third also came as a suprise, by being rewarded at a pumpkin carving contest. It was indeed the most enjoyable experience because nothing was expected. And it is probably true that bronze medallists are happier than silver medallists in general.

Sadly, I cannot remember being fourth and more. And the majority of us fall in that category, as it is commonly left aside and not rewarded or awarded. I often encounter driven individuals who aim to emerge from that mass of people, to become the best this and that, to survive and make a living. Because indeed, it pays to be recognized.

I do remember being last, on a 8km run, and I wonder if I am recognized...The experience was a character building experience. Sure, there was the outside pressure of finishing the race, but there was also a self that needed to get something accomplished. Maybe in a sense, I discovered that being last was still worth my praise.



It is enough for me to be your number one (so cheesy). Actually, what is important is that I believe I am your number one...

A week of pain

I didn't really plan it on purpose, but this week was the week of all pains. First there was the cleaning at the dentist, where the drill's contact with some parts of my teeth raised some nonexistent hairs off my legs. The diagnostic was very positive though, as apparently I have clean teeth and even my gums became healthy. It is always satisfying to be told I am doing something right. In any case, I won't be seeing that soft speaking hygienist until in 9 months.

Then this morning I got rid of some unwanted facial hair that surprisingly didn't raise a millimeter during the painful dentist procedure. In a mere 30min, with a thread, a professional kindly pulled the offenders, one by one, painfully protesting to my whole brain. Tears were falling without any sorrow. I knew there was a reason I didn't volunteer for these treatments often!

And finally, the nail fillers this afternoon just finished, after one hour of another professional fiddling with my short nails, filing away the hardened gel, then my own nerves under my poor nails. As usual, the worst part was when I put my hands inside the UV box, and piercing pain shoot through each finger as the gel hardened. Beautiful is made of this stuff...

I am afraid I forced myself onto so many out of body experience to avoid the pain that I may still wandering about, looking for a poem, playing a feel good song....

Or maybe the out of body experience is to look at the result and feel happy all is over...to avoid which reality?

My French for your Japanese...

I often wondered how I could meet someone that had the same guilty pleasures as myself. I mean the kind of hobby or pleasure that one would draw some weird stares or some "heeeehhhh" from uninitiated audience. Sure, there are more people that know and like manga, and even anime, even if they don't watch it in Japanese. So this day marked my first encounter with another fangirl.

It started out as a simple language exchange after work. We were wondering online on how to proceed, whether there were specific themes we should discuss, such as movies, books, life in Genf, or her experience in South Korea since I was planning a trip there. But eventually we decided to go with the flow. I waited for D. in the sun then took a petit beurre flavoured gelato to cool me down. We started introducing ourselves in French and continued about how we ended up in Genf while looking for a cafe to sit down and chat more comfortably.

We settled in Eaux-Vives, not far from the old town hall, and ordered green tea and Diabolo Menthe. She somehow introduced the subject of Japanese Dramas and Korean dramas, and we soon started to fervently discuss titles, characters, actors, actresses. In French, I was talking passionately, trying to use simple words. After about 30-40min in French, we switched to Japanese, and she was most at ease, as Japanese is her Major (duh!). So it was time for me to find my words, trying to fight the frustration of having too much to say and nothing to express it.

The fact that I could discuss about the series I watched was amazing, since they are all online and in language noone around me understands (Japanese, Korean). There is of course many forums online but it is more entertaining to read the entries than actually participate. Meeting someone in the physical realm was an unexpected event, and it was exhilarating. Speaking was no longer an option, it was a necessity.

Not only did we have the same interest in stereotypical housewive hobby, but we also had the same sources: dramacrazy and dramabeans. Sharing the same hobby kind of made me want to share it even more, since in a sense it became less taboo, less bizarre, knowing there are other real people enjoying the same interest....

And so I happily share my favourite and last watched series:

Latest kdramas:
-God's quiz (season 1 to 3)
-The moon that embraces the sun

Latest jdrama:
-Rich man poor woman
-Tokkan
-Hungry
-Legal High

Favourite jdrama:
-Anego
-Nodame Cantabile
-Liar game

 Favourite kdrama:
-Iris
-Personal Taste

Enjoy watching if you get tempted...

Summer day 2012

Today I dressed up pretty with an ironed white shirt and my red linen skirt, and my black and white open toe shoes, to celebrate summer. The weather was nice and I was starting late so had enough time to pamper myself. I hesitated to put my liberty tie on but I figured I would be too dressed up for work and everyone would be in their jeans anyway.

I had an awful day but I managed to finish everything I had to do. I thought about going out to hear the bands playing all around town, since it is the music festival (fete de la musique), but I longed the comfort of my room. Besides, I could just sing out my frustration, now that I have a proper stand to put my lyrics, and a karaoke microphone to sing into!

My terrace is blooming with sunflowers, lavender and tomato flowers, my laundry is washing, and I sing for myself the foreign songs that express my tiredness: tomorrow is Friday!

What's in a life

As we get blessed with a new life, my thoughts went to the lives that ended. I wanted to share the excitement and joy with the ones that departed. And it made me wonder what their thoughts were about before they let out their final breath. As I refused to dwell in sadness, my thoughts came back to the livings, and to the proud parents. Even as an aunt I am so proud and want to give everything to this little one, and even bought gold, which I cannot send via DHL... I can only imagine how a parent would feel. 

Although happy and welcoming of the child I find myself sad that this world is the way it is. I now understand why people shelter their children. But even we turned out alright, why worry?

Because what's in a life? Something sweet, something bitter and something sour. The sweetness comes in small bundles, after much bitterness and sourness. It is as if it is only reachable because our efforts made spent our energies and we came to settle on a state where it suddenly became sweet for a while, like painfully running a long distance and settling on the feeling of the finish line coming closer, finishing the run in sweet pain, and being even more sore the few next days.

So even if it is painful, sorrowful, worrisome, let me settle and focus on an enjoyable moment: my grand mother has a grand-grand child, my brother has a son to raise, I have a nephew to dot, and the mother and child seem healthy. I will not project into the future, and enjoy the moment. Because for the child, his foremost joy is having both parents and feeling their warmth and love.

The strangest thing: pizza delivery

G. is visiting for a couple of days and just returned from a ski weekend with her parents. After catching up on our nonexistent love lives and meager career opportunities, it was dinnertime. She offered to order some delivery, and I warned her about the unavailability of reliable information on Geneva businesses online, especially on restaurants. All the nearby restaurants have no website or menu online. But we assumed the major delivery chains like Pizza Hut or Dominos would be a safe bet.

While doing other things, we decided to order online, after registering my email address, and choosing toppings etc, we managed to order after getting over the initial shock of the price: 37.50 CHF for a medium pizza with 3 toppings, plus a cheese bread and 1.5L drink (Nestea). She lives in NYC so she can eat for a whole week at that price. But this is Geneva and a pizza can cost 30CHF.

It took us 30min to order, and we set a delivery time  1h afterwards, at 20:00.

Time flew and our stomach started to crave the pizza. 20:00 came and went, and at finally at 20:30 we called both Dominos branch nearby to ask when our order would arrive. Their answer was depressing: they did not receive our order, despite the fact that I received 2 emails confirmed that our order was accepted....We gave up and decided to cook something quickly.

I started making my okonomiayaki base, with flour and eggs, to mix with the cabbage, onion and lardons that I cooked at noon. I mixed everything and prepared the pan to heat, when the bell rang...


A not bad looking delivery man was holding our order, and i still cannot wrap my head around it. Nobody supposedly received our order but we still got our pizza....1 hour late but I suppose I am glad I didn't order another one by phone...

I guess I will have okonomiyaki for the next 3 days...

My body in numbers

This is what happens when one just wants to try out something popular. As expected, the Iyashi dome made me sweat buckets of water, but the main feature that they do not explain until you get there, is that they weigh you naked before and after 30min of sweating...

Starting from the beginning, one undresses then hops on the scale then the attendant input your age and height into the device, which then programs itself like an intelligent microwaves to administer sufficient heat. Then it outputs a little ticket with different numbers, all scary numbers, starting with:
Weight of fat, weight of muscle, weight of liquid, BMI, etc...and a final statement indicating whether one is overweight or not (clearly I am, with an obesity degree of 67%). As an encouragement, it also indicates the ideal weight (49.5kg).

After 30min of sweating, another trip on the scale indicates I lost 300g of water, and also the fact I need to drink more water (% hydrique= 45.7%).

So in short, I'm obese and need to drink more water. I guess the fact that the flu came at me full blown 4h later is an indicator, and now I am drinking 1L/h, with all the teas and soup ingested...

I can't wait for the 6th session of that sweating machine to know how my body changes. In the meantime I bought a scale to look at with guilt...

失敗した (I failed)

I received the JLPT score and was very surprised, not because I didn't pass, but because my score in the different sections were not what I expected.

 The score for language knowledge is tough even if I was expecting something like that. The passing score is 50/60 for that section, so I have a lot of work to do. There is a table indicating the pass score to be 19/60 but still, given the overall pass score at 95/180, I needed at least a 31/60 in that section to pass. The score is language knowledge is detailed in the score for Vocabulary and Grammar, since the only kanji I remember knowing was the character for tears...sniff. I need to have at least a B and score 50% or higher for vocabulary and grammar.

I was expecting a higher score for listening since I thought I understood things about 80%. So now I can correct myself and tell everyone I only understand 56.666667% of things I hear as it seems I misunderstand what I hear. The biggest surprise is the reading score. I know it is a scaled score but it feels strange to have a score of 30/60 when I answered at random, giving up at understanding the questions or the answers. I did try to read the texts to gather what they were about, but that was pretty much what I understood. I cannot even remember the theme anymore since I'm mixing them up with the mock tests I have done.

So in short, I passed Reading and Listening (passing score is 19/60) but I have lots of vocabulary and grammar to catch up...sigh

And now the big debate: shall I register for the July exam or not? And at what level?

Potty talk

Because I tend to drink quite a lot of water or tea at work, and my bladder only holds half a cup of liquid maximum, I usually go to the toilet every 30-60min. I experience all level of cleanliness on the 1st floor, from pristine to right outrageous. And this is a corporate environment. I always wonder how some women leave such disgusting traces: do they stand on the toilet to hit the wall? Do they sit facing the flush? I really cannot understand why there are shoe marks on the toilet.
 

Then there is the meet and greet. I prefer to ignore everyone when going to do my business. Why do you say hello and smile? Do you expect me to have a friendly conversation? Even if I walk along to the place with a friend, as soon as we push that door with the ladies sign, you are not anybody, so let me focus on finding a lean place to put my bottom!

The first order of business after passing that door is choosing a booth. For my part, the booth to use is never chosen randomly. The criteria are smell and cleanliness. There are 3 booths to choose from. The sink area as well as the booths have their own timer-sensored lights. If I am lucky, there is a booth that has no light on that is available. That means noone has been in there for  while. In term of odor, it would be the safest. If it is clean enough, then it will be used. If one booth is being used, the farthest booth is the firs choice, unless it is disgusting. If the middle booth is busy, again select by odor and cleanliness...I am pretty sure those criteria are pretty the same for everyone.

Seriously though, there are people that lock themselves up in the toilet to speak on the phone, when there are plenty of fresh air outside, while admiring the Mont Blanc..

no sweating today...

I had a 9:00 morning appointment to the spa today for my first time at the Iyashi dome treatment. Beforehand, i probably drank 3L of water, between yesterday evening and this morning. So even after leaving the house my bladder was trying to empty itself mid-street in the cold crispy morning.

The was opened at ( as well so I lingered for about 2min outside before someone came to open shop. Then it turned out someone messed up the appointment schedule and overbooked the dome. So instead I was offered a treatment.

But first, i had to undress and put on this totally tiny paper thong. The most traumatizing could be when she measured my waistline, since I told her this is my problem area these days, and I hate to do crunches. All that precious information was immortalized on a piece of paper that I dated not to read.

The treatment was called cavitation, and uses an ultrasound machine to break down fat. The sound is quite high pitch as it resonates a lot, but after a while I got used to it. The area treated warms up a bit, and the therapist massaged me as well to help drain the fat. I need to exercise and drink 2L/day for 10 days to eliminate.

Next Saturday, I will try the iyashi dome for 6 more treatment. I feel like I have fallen into the plastic surgery world....

Magic body

This beautiful smooth face of mine always adorn a pimple. It is not always at the same place, as it seems to move from my chin, right next to my only beard hair, to the entrance of my nose.

Every month, it moves to a different place, and it takes a lot of BB cream to erase the stamp of a nasty pimple.

The weirdest place? Behind my left ear.