Summer at the beach...

We worked together in London, and we babbled in Japanese to practice the little words we knew then. Since then, she lived 4 years in Sydney, Australia, travelled South Asia, and got back to Germany this year. I was so happy to get in touch with her again, and it's one of those surprises in life.

She left me her sewing set, her straw and flower hats, her Christmas decorations when she left London, and it is with anxious curiosity that I wonder if I should give them back to her, in their very used state.

She endured much personal drama away from her family and I was trying my best to be cheerful and playful while we hung out on a beautiful sunny and windy Sunday. We hopped in her friend's car and drove to Excevenex, on the lake after my future apartment, and admired the kite surfers and windsurfers while catching up.

There was enough sun and wind to make us feel like we were at the ocean, as the waves kept crashing again the sand and grass. The Dutch ladies (Famke and Al) were tanning, while Wu and I  were napping and gossiping about old colleagues. It was an atmosphere of vacation, 30min drive from home, and Wu said she almost felt like she was back in Oz. I was enchanted to discover the beach so near to my soon to be built apartment, and for the first time, actually wished to be forwarded 2 years later...

As the evening approached, people started to leave, stomachs started to growl. Being a Sunday there was no nearby grocery store to grab a picnic, and all the farmer's markets already packed and closed. After a last look at the die hards on the water, and the Dent D'oche in the background which gave me some trouble, we decided to look for food as well.

So we roamed along the beach to check the menu of the different beach-side restaurants, and settled on a place that had a cover band, and an appealing roasted ham.

We waited more than an hours with a drink, because the ham wasn't cooked yet. When our plates came with a serving of ham and gratin dauphinois, we stopped singing along with the band and became so engrossed with the food that we didn't speak until everything was finished. The fact that it was much cheaper than anything we could have fond in Switzerland was also adding taste to the food! I was game for another serving of ham but decided to keep some space for dessert. However, Famke right away asked if it was possible to get seconds...! I was speechless again and happy she took the initiative, and so we ate another serving of honey roasted ham...Yiipeee!

We still got crepe and waffle for dessert, just to follow through the feeling of vacation and doing whatever we wanted to do. The buzz would lift us through our way back to Geneva, where the proximity and the reality of Monday morning was starting to sink in...

 Wu got reacquainted with her stuff she left me, and I bet it felt like when I came back to Raleigh and noticed the things I used to have...a memory of past lives...

Summer in Geneva

Summer day 2012

Today I dressed up pretty with an ironed white shirt and my red linen skirt, and my black and white open toe shoes, to celebrate summer. The weather was nice and I was starting late so had enough time to pamper myself. I hesitated to put my liberty tie on but I figured I would be too dressed up for work and everyone would be in their jeans anyway.

I had an awful day but I managed to finish everything I had to do. I thought about going out to hear the bands playing all around town, since it is the music festival (fete de la musique), but I longed the comfort of my room. Besides, I could just sing out my frustration, now that I have a proper stand to put my lyrics, and a karaoke microphone to sing into!

My terrace is blooming with sunflowers, lavender and tomato flowers, my laundry is washing, and I sing for myself the foreign songs that express my tiredness: tomorrow is Friday!

Let's hike! My survival trip to 2000m

And so I woke up excited to start my first ever hiking trip. I bought comfortable shoes that cost me a kidney and 2h deciding, a 22L backpack that has back ventilation, middle pocket and more, lots of hiking pants, and a walking stick. For sure they were not only for this day, but also for future hikes and the trip in September. I even got a 2L camel bag.

A&S picked me off at 7:45am on a beautiful cloudless morning. We then picked up Lily as well an drove to France towards Bernex. In the car we talked about fainting, accidents, first aids and many more scary things. We could see our destination from afar: la Dent d'Oche. Although I was anxious, I brought enough to survive in case I decided to get lost: Swiss knife, 6 cereal bars, 2L water in the camel bag, first aid kit, a dynamo torch lamp, my fully charged mobile, an apple, 2 packs of tissues, my VT  fleece jacket,  a change of pants (one of the hikers pants), and a walking stick. I was probably missing the emergency flares....

Two other couples joined us and I had to relieve myself on the parking lot before starting on the path that was more has 20% sloped upward with rocks. They warned me the first part was difficult. I huffed and puffed and used my old lady cane as best I could, stopping every so often but advancing nonetheless. The boys were having a  chat while walking behind me, while I was struggling and focusing on where to put my foot next.

After the rocky slopes under the shades of pin trees, we finally emerged onto a valley between 2 beautiful green sloped mountains, where cuddly cows were ringing their bells merrily and refreshing my numbed mind.

We had to go through electrified fences, more rocky paths to finally get to a water point, almost 1h30 after our start from the parking lot. The water was so fresh I washed my head until I got a brain freeze. We had climbed about 400m and it was decision time for the group: go straight for the peak and eat there or go for the lake, have a meal and split there.

So we went for the meal first, and 2h later we were eating at about 500m from where we started.

During the meal, I reasoned that I would also try for the peak since I've been thus far, and also because there would not be another opportunity to go for it: just thinking back at the huffing and puffing would surely not motivate me to come back!

So after a short lunch break where everyone took off their shoes to asphyxiate innocent mountain fauna an flora, we were back on our feet, and climbing hard for the other 500m. We met many other trekkers running down the mountain after seeing the top, and encouraging me. It was more difficult since I wasn't as fresh, and although i coul manage my breath, I was afraid my legs would give in. But I made it to the 2000m to see the lake and Montreux on one side, and the Alps and Mont Blanc on the other side, surrounded by cute mountain goats.

The peak was still out of reach but we soon headed for it,  only to be told back by the boys that it was too dangerous and that even they would not go through. So we got back down the mountain disappointed, but also happy to go back and enjoy the walk down. Our enjoyment soon changed into pain as our toes were taking our weight in the downward slopes. At least there was no way of getting out of breath.

The guys came across the path to climb to the peak form another side and went for it. We ladies came down to the water point to rest and get refreshed before returning to the parking lot with the promise of ice cream. We eventually saw the guys giving signs on the peak and starting to walk down the mountain. So we left as well, arguing that they would catch up with us anyway. And sure enough when we got back to the pine forest, there they were!

We took an easier path down to the parking lot, and exchanging the trekking shoes for flip flop made it so worthwhile! Some hike for the view, some hike for the challenge of going to the top, and some hike to feel that relief of taking your shoes off...I hiked to test the equipment I bought at first, but also glad to have accomplished such a seemingly impossible task for me.

Relaxing around an ice cream cup each, they told me they were impressed I didn't give up because it was a difficult trek for a beginner. I was a bit vexed because the thought never crossed my mind. But it also reminded me how strong I can be despite my initial fears: if I take it slowly, catch up my breath and have enough water, I can do it.

We all yelled at A for tricking us into doing this hike, since she told us she did it with her mom. We also joked that the next days would be the most painful days...But the memory of the view is soothing enough...I might not have been to the 2100m top, but reaching 2000m after a 1000m altitude hike was my first hiking achievement.

I have started training and I will hike more...next month:P
I got home at 8pm, showered and crashed into a deep sleep.

I'm ready for summer!

Alright, the tomatoes and sunflowers were planted! Most of the pots have seeds waiting to sprout and give me some nice garden by july and august. After a rainy May, the terrace is not looking too bad.

An ice cream and a show

Juggling of a football, climbing of a street lamp, impromptu band singing on the steps of Sacre Coeur, opportunists selling bottles of beer under the sunny Paris sky, and us enjoying the view with ice cream and a chat.

Meet Jeff, of Montmartre

While on a layover in Paris, I made a lunch appointment with Laeti to bring her swimming towels she forgot last summer. She had a small studio at the foot of Montmartre, in the IXeme arrondissement, and I was happy to visit a new area of Paris. From the metro Notre Dame de Lorette, we grabbed a small lunch in a Chinese restaurant in her street, and walked leisurely towards the Sacre Coeur, seen here and there between the buildings.

The weather was somewhat sunny and not warm enough to make us sweat, due to a chilly wind lingering under the shades. We strolled slowly, window shopped, caught up on work and the election results. She showed me the cafe des 2 moulins, from the movie Amelie, and we admired the rooftop gardens and the view on Paris from the heights of the streets. I also took note of the different eateries and bakeries along the way, reminding myself I was not hungry.

After a nice windmill at a corner (le moulin de la Galette, which inspired the painting by Renoir), which is now an expensive garden restaurant, my eyes suddenly were staring with fascination at a window displaying an amazingly detailed maquette of a ranch. Inside, someone was motioning invitedly and opened the door. I hesitantly entered the gallery, while whispering to Laeti how I always end up in weird situations like these.

I was fascinated by the maquette, and he seemed eager to find out whether we were artists, which we were not. But he played on my vanity and insisted I was one, since I write, sometimes paint int he middle of the night, and play music (for only myself). He described the maquette in details, indicating the inside of the cabin, which has  dining table with drawers, and inside there are things too, or how the moss is growing, and that it is a hobby of his to make this little ranch. It is a maquette of about 2x1m and the details extend to the mouse in the rocks of the well, or the bird's nest in the tree that contains eggs, or the toilet paper roll in the toilet outside the cabin.

And much like the expat American that he is, he invited us in the back of the shop, where a sunny room with a chimney was occupied by the double bed, and the back garden was seen through old Provencal ceiling to floor windows. Outside had an air of south of France, with a "ceci n'est pas un cafe" colorful store referring to René Magritte's "ceci n'est pas une pipe".  It didn't feel like Paris, wit Bob the cat shyly evading our caresses between pots of plants of a cozy English garden.

He said the backyard kept him sane and brings him joy and calm. I understood and agreed with his point of view, and could only marvel at his achievement of getting this haven of peace and quiet in the middle of Paris. His encounter was one that I remember for his  detailed ranch, which I could look at for hours.

While leaving Jeff's gallery, I was somehow struck with this thought:
" My ideal man would fascinate me this much, in his work and peculiarity, his passion, and artistry"

I was glad Jeff was married and too old to my taste, because I am still superficial despite my nerdiness....

An exercise in focus

As the days go by, monotonous and unnoticed, it was refreshing to suddenly concentrate all my focus in one single small task: balancing.

On a week holiday at a waterpark resort, I was tempted by the thrill of treetop adventure. However, after seeing how high the circuit was, and witnessing another group crossing platform after platform with worried looks, I became deflated and even sick in the stomach.

Nonetheless, because I initiated the idea, and because there would be no other time to try it, I went ahead and climbed last. I was worried about getting dizzy and fear the heights, so much that my legs felt like cotton before I even climbed the first wobbly stairs.

In a matter of minutes, it became clear that it wasn't at all what I expected. I was awaiting nausea and fear from the heights, but what welcomed me was pure physical effort in climbing the stairs while swaying and being restricted by my pants and shortness of leg. In addition, my arms had to pull me all the way up, and I had to find a grip comfortable enough to be repeated endlessly and hold me for a while. When I stepped foot on the first platform, my breath was taken away from the effort, as well as my strength, but I told myself not to give up. After all, kids were doing it in the morning, so I had to work myself up for the challenge.

It was interesting that I didn't even look down once, to see how high it was. I was instinctively attracted by the tree trunk, which I hugged and kept close while I proceeded to the next path. My eyes were fixated on the cable to cross to get to the next platform. I could hear encouragement ad jokes down below me, but they were easily blocked as soon as I set foot on that cable. From all that remained in my focus was the cable, my feet, and my breath.

For the remaining of the next 45-50min, I would look only at the green ropes, wooden plank and cables that I had to cross. Each gesture was carefully executed with a conscious breath out, while my brain was counting 1 to 10 at each breath. Funnily enough, I felt strangely reassured by the counting, and a wild sense of achievement was always felt after the number 10, even if I was in the middle of the air, mid-cable or mid-circuit.

I experienced a brain blank at the 3rd exercise, but a suggestion from the instruction below helped and I was soon back to counting. There were some exercises that could be done by just walking on cables instead of swinging the rope or climbing the wall. Although I found it exciting to try, I always opted for the cable, reasoning that at least there was something below my feet.

That feeling was challenged at the rope sliding exercise. I could not talk myself into letting go of the ground. Eventually I listened to someone suggesting to just sit down and let harness support me. Zab was also waiting for me across the rope, so I let go and made it to the next platform, to be told there were 2 more of these before the end...

 

As the obstacles appeared, my body and mind would work really hard to focus and balance. I forgot I had a harness and every step was to advance to the next platform. I realize now I did not even see the surrounding landscape. But after every exercise, I would let go of all my breath and relax all my muscles, as if I was about to faint, before focusing on the next obstacle.

I haven't been focusing so hard ever, so it was very rewarding to learn how I reacted and what I do in such stressful situation. My mind is a strange thing, content to count form 1 to 10 to abstract everything else but the task at hand, partitioned into tiny gestures that suddenly have its importance: the sliding of a foot, the bending of knees, the breathing out (I cannot remember when I breath in!).

I hope to be able to enjoy the landscape, the next time I climb or trek an have to challenge the height, lack of air, and physical effort involved.

"Peccato originale" - Simona Molinari

What's in a life

As we get blessed with a new life, my thoughts went to the lives that ended. I wanted to share the excitement and joy with the ones that departed. And it made me wonder what their thoughts were about before they let out their final breath. As I refused to dwell in sadness, my thoughts came back to the livings, and to the proud parents. Even as an aunt I am so proud and want to give everything to this little one, and even bought gold, which I cannot send via DHL... I can only imagine how a parent would feel. 

Although happy and welcoming of the child I find myself sad that this world is the way it is. I now understand why people shelter their children. But even we turned out alright, why worry?

Because what's in a life? Something sweet, something bitter and something sour. The sweetness comes in small bundles, after much bitterness and sourness. It is as if it is only reachable because our efforts made spent our energies and we came to settle on a state where it suddenly became sweet for a while, like painfully running a long distance and settling on the feeling of the finish line coming closer, finishing the run in sweet pain, and being even more sore the few next days.

So even if it is painful, sorrowful, worrisome, let me settle and focus on an enjoyable moment: my grand mother has a grand-grand child, my brother has a son to raise, I have a nephew to dot, and the mother and child seem healthy. I will not project into the future, and enjoy the moment. Because for the child, his foremost joy is having both parents and feeling their warmth and love.

Adventures in couchsurfing

Back in 2009 I stumbled on the couchsurfing community by a strike of luck. At that time, I was in serious preparation for my first trip to Asia and rummaged through many sites before settling on that site. The main idea is to crash at your stranger of choice for a few nights before moving on during your travels. This also includes that as a community member, you can host the traveler of your choice as well.

In addition, one can also just join an event locally, usually initiated by a local community member, and promoting a local shops, food, or event. it seems like a 3D extension of all the social networking sites, with the added common interest, which is finding a place to sleep or a place to enjoy local activities.

So in 2009 I was on the receiving end, meeting tokyoites at monja dinner near Tsukiji fish market, or having beer and tomato juice drink in west Tokyo. I also met the now currently full time geisha who hosted a wonderful nabe dinner for a couple of us travelers. With new friends to exchange emails and news, I was also able to host F. during her summer trip in London, allowing me to experience a somewhat subdued couchsurfing hosting. She was no longer a stranger after all.

Lately, I decided to check out the local couchsurfing community in Geneva. What lured me out was a dinner at Gaya, a korean restaurant. The turn out was decent, with 12 people from around Geneva and various experience with couchsurfing. There were no travelers this time and the majority of attendees were actually living in France across the border. The dinner organizer just returned from a trip in South Korea and we are keeping in touch for various tips she might give me. It seems there was a weekly meeting where a lots of au pair and CERN interns socialize. I will need to check out those meetings but I am less thrilled since it involves mainly a bar.

Last Friday, which was a bank holiday (Good Friday), 2 Chinese students doing exchange in Portugal couchsurfed at my place for a rainy night. We arranged for the stay a week ago on the site, and exchanged a couple of emails for the details. However there were no  personal information or civilities exchanged, and I didn't even look thoroughly at their profile. Instead, I just rapidly viewed the feedback on the profile and accepted their surf request.

It was with anxiety that I picked the 2 of them from the train station after work. And because it was their first time in Geneva, and they were left on their own since morning to roam an empty town, I felt compelled to give them a tour of my own: walk to my place...There are not many thing I know about this town, but somehow we took pictures of the giant chess boards, blooming magnolia trees, Grand Theatre, fancy closed shops. The main hurdle was at home, when we had to make conversation, a skill I certainly lack. But fortunately, cooking dinner, going in turn in the bathroom took most of the time. And I remembered those discussions with a 8 year old English student in Indonesia (hi Bayou!) and his pop quiz:
-what is you favourite sport?
-what is your favourite music?
-Do you like coffee ? (this one is from Suju 'Oops')

It also turned out they had to catch a train at 5:30am....So basically, our encounter was short but we still managed to add each other on facebook...

I take it as an incredible experience and thinking that it would surely help in building myself some confidence in hosting, whether for future travelers, or future business.

Going by the book, movie review

I just finished watching this peculiar movie that touches upon so many things behavioural. In short, it is a long bank robbery. Or is it?
The premises are summarized as a cop who enforces the law too well without exception and who does everything he is ordered to his best of his abilities, who is then given the role of a bank robber in a police simulation...

Watch By The book here

As the robbery unfolds, the line between simulation and real robbery gets blurred easily from the viewers point of view. And it takes the character something like " if I were a real robber" to get back to the simulation situation. In fact, the the police is trying everything by the book as well, following procedures as if the a real robbery happened. The hostages are behaving naturally like real hostages as well after some resistance were crushed.

What is most interesting is the cop turned pretend robber's character: a righteous cop who needs to be a thorough thief. It may be because of my current state of mind but it is pretty much a question to the audience to me. What if you are given free reign to act out your unlawful repressed desire ?

It is very tense to watch the character maintain both his thief and cop logic, the thief doing his best to evade the police, and his cop self justifying what the thief was doing:
For example, the thief did not yield to his mother's plea to surrender. Accused of not behaving like a real thief, he indicated that his mother did not shed a singe tear, since she knew he was a cop. Hence the thief was not moved and did not surrender.

Although I hope this kind of character exists, one that can maintain its righteous belief and orientation, it was very surprising to see that the thief character did not take over, armed with rifle, money and free escape.

It is labelled as comedy, but one that is a serous comedy, asking some valid questions.

These are the signs that spring is here..

 

Let's pick a number and win big!

For a reason unknown, we started talking about a dozen of bus drivers winning the lottery at work, and somehow ended up fired up to play as a group as well. It is 10€ per 5 sets of numbers, drawn twice a week, and there are 9 of us who got absolutely pulled into it. The guys were even making plans already about what they will do, where to put the money to pay less taxes, because in Switzerland apparently 30% of your game earnings belong to taxes...


In any case, today we finalized the numbers and payment. It took us a full half day to pick the damn number, after a whole day yesterday of a strategy on how to pick numbers. one would think statistics would play a big role, but for some of the big talkers among us, it is a matter of positive energy...The conversation started to be a bit irrational so I spaced out, until they'd ask me for a number.


Somehow some numbers were called out frequently, as much as 3 times (such as the number 5, 3, 41), and we planned to have the most frequent numbers in one of the grid. That didn't go well with one for the participants because he wanted to have everyone remember the numbers we called and see which numbers would be drawn frequently and have the persons that picked those numbers pick more numbers, using that person's positive energy...he got a bit ignored and we now have a set of 5 grid that we would play for at least 8 draws, since we already paid for the month.


As soon as the numbers are set, Friday morning one person will buy the ticket and set the numbers. So one of the question today was: what do we do about the original lotto ticket? 


So all kind of scenarios started to emerge:
-the buyer will disappear with the original ticket and the money
-I had to borrow some euros to pay my entry fee, and so my lender asked: if we win tomorrow, can I get 40% of your earning then?
-If yo in big, would you still come to work?


It was all very funny and jovial but it makes me wonder what would really happen if we win, because money changes people, and on never knows until faced with the situation.

The strangest thing: pizza delivery

G. is visiting for a couple of days and just returned from a ski weekend with her parents. After catching up on our nonexistent love lives and meager career opportunities, it was dinnertime. She offered to order some delivery, and I warned her about the unavailability of reliable information on Geneva businesses online, especially on restaurants. All the nearby restaurants have no website or menu online. But we assumed the major delivery chains like Pizza Hut or Dominos would be a safe bet.

While doing other things, we decided to order online, after registering my email address, and choosing toppings etc, we managed to order after getting over the initial shock of the price: 37.50 CHF for a medium pizza with 3 toppings, plus a cheese bread and 1.5L drink (Nestea). She lives in NYC so she can eat for a whole week at that price. But this is Geneva and a pizza can cost 30CHF.

It took us 30min to order, and we set a delivery time  1h afterwards, at 20:00.

Time flew and our stomach started to crave the pizza. 20:00 came and went, and at finally at 20:30 we called both Dominos branch nearby to ask when our order would arrive. Their answer was depressing: they did not receive our order, despite the fact that I received 2 emails confirmed that our order was accepted....We gave up and decided to cook something quickly.

I started making my okonomiayaki base, with flour and eggs, to mix with the cabbage, onion and lardons that I cooked at noon. I mixed everything and prepared the pan to heat, when the bell rang...


A not bad looking delivery man was holding our order, and i still cannot wrap my head around it. Nobody supposedly received our order but we still got our pizza....1 hour late but I suppose I am glad I didn't order another one by phone...

I guess I will have okonomiyaki for the next 3 days...

fantastic baby (Big Bang)

My body in numbers

This is what happens when one just wants to try out something popular. As expected, the Iyashi dome made me sweat buckets of water, but the main feature that they do not explain until you get there, is that they weigh you naked before and after 30min of sweating...

Starting from the beginning, one undresses then hops on the scale then the attendant input your age and height into the device, which then programs itself like an intelligent microwaves to administer sufficient heat. Then it outputs a little ticket with different numbers, all scary numbers, starting with:
Weight of fat, weight of muscle, weight of liquid, BMI, etc...and a final statement indicating whether one is overweight or not (clearly I am, with an obesity degree of 67%). As an encouragement, it also indicates the ideal weight (49.5kg).

After 30min of sweating, another trip on the scale indicates I lost 300g of water, and also the fact I need to drink more water (% hydrique= 45.7%).

So in short, I'm obese and need to drink more water. I guess the fact that the flu came at me full blown 4h later is an indicator, and now I am drinking 1L/h, with all the teas and soup ingested...

I can't wait for the 6th session of that sweating machine to know how my body changes. In the meantime I bought a scale to look at with guilt...

失敗した (I failed)

I received the JLPT score and was very surprised, not because I didn't pass, but because my score in the different sections were not what I expected.

 The score for language knowledge is tough even if I was expecting something like that. The passing score is 50/60 for that section, so I have a lot of work to do. There is a table indicating the pass score to be 19/60 but still, given the overall pass score at 95/180, I needed at least a 31/60 in that section to pass. The score is language knowledge is detailed in the score for Vocabulary and Grammar, since the only kanji I remember knowing was the character for tears...sniff. I need to have at least a B and score 50% or higher for vocabulary and grammar.

I was expecting a higher score for listening since I thought I understood things about 80%. So now I can correct myself and tell everyone I only understand 56.666667% of things I hear as it seems I misunderstand what I hear. The biggest surprise is the reading score. I know it is a scaled score but it feels strange to have a score of 30/60 when I answered at random, giving up at understanding the questions or the answers. I did try to read the texts to gather what they were about, but that was pretty much what I understood. I cannot even remember the theme anymore since I'm mixing them up with the mock tests I have done.

So in short, I passed Reading and Listening (passing score is 19/60) but I have lots of vocabulary and grammar to catch up...sigh

And now the big debate: shall I register for the July exam or not? And at what level?

Potty talk

Because I tend to drink quite a lot of water or tea at work, and my bladder only holds half a cup of liquid maximum, I usually go to the toilet every 30-60min. I experience all level of cleanliness on the 1st floor, from pristine to right outrageous. And this is a corporate environment. I always wonder how some women leave such disgusting traces: do they stand on the toilet to hit the wall? Do they sit facing the flush? I really cannot understand why there are shoe marks on the toilet.
 

Then there is the meet and greet. I prefer to ignore everyone when going to do my business. Why do you say hello and smile? Do you expect me to have a friendly conversation? Even if I walk along to the place with a friend, as soon as we push that door with the ladies sign, you are not anybody, so let me focus on finding a lean place to put my bottom!

The first order of business after passing that door is choosing a booth. For my part, the booth to use is never chosen randomly. The criteria are smell and cleanliness. There are 3 booths to choose from. The sink area as well as the booths have their own timer-sensored lights. If I am lucky, there is a booth that has no light on that is available. That means noone has been in there for  while. In term of odor, it would be the safest. If it is clean enough, then it will be used. If one booth is being used, the farthest booth is the firs choice, unless it is disgusting. If the middle booth is busy, again select by odor and cleanliness...I am pretty sure those criteria are pretty the same for everyone.

Seriously though, there are people that lock themselves up in the toilet to speak on the phone, when there are plenty of fresh air outside, while admiring the Mont Blanc..

no sweating today...

I had a 9:00 morning appointment to the spa today for my first time at the Iyashi dome treatment. Beforehand, i probably drank 3L of water, between yesterday evening and this morning. So even after leaving the house my bladder was trying to empty itself mid-street in the cold crispy morning.

The was opened at ( as well so I lingered for about 2min outside before someone came to open shop. Then it turned out someone messed up the appointment schedule and overbooked the dome. So instead I was offered a treatment.

But first, i had to undress and put on this totally tiny paper thong. The most traumatizing could be when she measured my waistline, since I told her this is my problem area these days, and I hate to do crunches. All that precious information was immortalized on a piece of paper that I dated not to read.

The treatment was called cavitation, and uses an ultrasound machine to break down fat. The sound is quite high pitch as it resonates a lot, but after a while I got used to it. The area treated warms up a bit, and the therapist massaged me as well to help drain the fat. I need to exercise and drink 2L/day for 10 days to eliminate.

Next Saturday, I will try the iyashi dome for 6 more treatment. I feel like I have fallen into the plastic surgery world....

Magic body

This beautiful smooth face of mine always adorn a pimple. It is not always at the same place, as it seems to move from my chin, right next to my only beard hair, to the entrance of my nose.

Every month, it moves to a different place, and it takes a lot of BB cream to erase the stamp of a nasty pimple.

The weirdest place? Behind my left ear.

salty tears...

In periods of high (or maybe low) level of hormones, when the times comes and everything seem so bothersome, and my sensitivity is maximum, I can't help but think about sad things. It's not love, it's not care, it's what you would call nostalgia. It's the remembrance of things or lives that have passed and that could not be lived again.

As my chest tighten and the knot is tied in my throat, I listen to these songs to let it go. Because the memory of you, and the things I still want to do with you can only be materialized in my tears.


"Memories live on" by 4Men



"...Memories live on
To tear to pieces all facets for the memories alive
Faded memories of living on memories of the trail
As the Hourglass shattered memories alive
Forgot your gonna be alive tomorrow, so that
Tomorrow is gonna be alive for the memories forgotten "

"Distance" by Ft Island



Now, over the crossing
Someone who was always besides me stands
First snow of the season falls on her back who is walking not knowing anything.
My heart hurts as I run.

Because it was as if I left you behind.
Do I still exist in you?
As a selfish person.

Because I wanna see you.
Just wanna see you.


I was holding your image in myself.
Changes into memory
Not to fade it away

"I love sad songs too."


Why wasn't I able to realize?
Over the crowd, I see your back
I was reaching out my hand unconsciously


Even if it's too late
Gotta tell you "I'm sorry"
Otherwise I can't move on

So I ran after you.
Just ran after you
As if I cut through the crowd
I called your name
called many times
Did it reach?

But straight
Just straight
You keep walking forward
Never looking back

As if you leave everything behind
As if it's for me
I cannot still find the answer
What's right and what's wrong Please reflect me into your eyes once more time.

Let me ask you.
So I wanna see you.
Just wanna see you.
I was holding your image in myself

It wasn't a dream
It was a reality
But I let your hand go
Snow keeps falling.
My feeling gets stronger


Express train passes
By the time this crossing opens
you will probably not be there

You will probably not even be there

An older me

I have cleaned the house, sorted out the files, pictures and paperworks, scrubbed clean my body of dead cells, ate somehow healthy for the last 2 days to detox, and finally concluded another year of my existence.

I am thankful for all the love and support I have received so far. No matter what, I am what i am thanks to you.


Arigatou by Ikimono Gakari par loosesox4126

ずっと (zutto) by Aiko

In memory of Nenibe,

No matter what, I’ll forever stay by your side
You’re watching the same world as I am
If there’s despair behind your sweet smile
Give it to me. I’ll be fine

There’s a part of me here that no one knows

Being able to have met you was my ending
Breathing calmly, I lay my body on your chest
As long as I live I touch you again and again
And learn of your warm taste, forever

No matter what, I’ll forever stay by your side
Let’s also go to the other side of this clearly visible world
The things we can’t say and the small cold lies disappear
As I trip over your heel and we laugh together

I only need one unchanging thing

Even if the wind blows on us and invites us to different roads
Like the day we defied time and separated
I hear only your voice
No matter what future lies in waiting
　
Being able to have met you was my ending
Breathing calmly, I lay my body on your chest
As long as I live I touch you again and again
And learn of your warm taste, forever

2011 in review

Do I have a sense of achievement after this year has passed? Did I make new friends? Did I learn anything? Did I leave anything?

I may be able to answer "yes" to one of those questions. And I can list a few things I definitely did and that still surprises me:
-I sat for the JLPT level N3 exam in December and not too impatient to get the result in March 2012
-I discovered Kpop that has been gradually sweeping this part of the world. Some popular groups that I enjoy are Big Bang, Ft Island, Standing Egg, and of course Super Junior
-Because of Kpop, I think I watched so many variety shows that I became addicted to, mainly because I love the concept of the show and I really want to see those in other countries. My favourite one used to be "1 night 2 days" where a group of host visit some remote area of South Korea to explore the culture in that area (food, dance, markets, etc..) and there are silly games between the hosts to determine who sleep outside. The other one is "running man" which is also a game of missions to be achieved by the hosts, at a landmark, and which usually involves ripping off a velcroed nametag off each other. No single episode is similar. Here is an example of a running man episode where they have superpowers.
-I managed to visit some Swiss landmarks with my parents which left many many sweet memories
-I got new books to study Japanese in preparation for the next test
-I managed to survive the stress at work, that almost made me sick and got me so cranky I was ready to leave all and never return to that office.
-I got my first flight in a light plane with my little brother after seeing my sister graduate with a phD
-I learned some bit of Japanese history of the rise of the Tokugawa shogunate through watching the NHK Taiga Drama Gou Himetachi no sengoku, which is following the life of a lady who through mariages, losses and wars became the mother of the shogun and grandmother of the emperor, a really nice example of the saying "behind a great man is a great woman".
-I also got my laughs from the series The big bang theory, because it appeals to the nerdy side of mine.

The year has passed quickly, so quickly in fact that I could not finish everything on my to-do list. That leaves me with the usual suspects for the next year:
-loose weight
-try to run a half marathon
-succeed in the JLPT
-get a new job

So let's see what the new year brings.

Adieu, Mr Sheepy

With his Ichigo Kurosaki haircut, he introduced me to streaming anime, which encouraged me into my practicing my Japanese listening. There were jokes about "Fruits baskets",  "Death Note", and many other surreal when we conversed. I was able to be a kid again and happily discuss about animation and their stories.
I always saw him smiling. I hope he was surrendered by his close friends and loved ones in his final moments and was able to unload his hurt, pains and troubles before going away.
I wish his young soul now rests in peace in a better place.

 

 Thank you for Mr Sheepy. You will live on in our memories.

Folsogno

Castello Montebello, Bellinzona

Leaving Airolo

Luzern

Coming from Matterhorn glacier paradise

Orchestra rehearsal in Zermatt Kirke

Flash visit in Lyon

 

Place Bellecour, Lyon, with 35C

An orchestra full of joy

Well, I haven't been moved by gut gripping music lately, so this evening was a wonderful surprise: The
Youth Orchestra of Bahia made my day, my week and my month.





I laughed, cried, danced and sighted....wonderful

The difficulties of being parents...

This is certainly not a title I thought I would write so soon (or so late). But around me, people live their complicated life and I get to see the spilling of renewed happiness, bitter betrayal, sheer helplessness of others. Couple A split up after at least 7 years together. Another couple B split up after miss X met up with her first love at a class reunion, thus having to juggle the new boyfriend, a new job and her two kids, wile mr Y is coming to grasp with the concept of single Dad. Meanwhile, couple C is happily ( I think) nursing their newly daughter. All of them I consider good friends.

I know I shouldn't worry too much about their lives, given that somehow it makes me feel I have no life of my own worrying about them. But I realized they all have a right to their own happiness too and probably struggling to regain that happy moment in time when everything seemed to go according to the plan.

Watching how hard it is to fight for yourself yet care for the kids,  I now can understand the sacrifices every parent make for their child. I also learned how painful it is not to point the finger and put the blame on someone, to hold your ground against the general opinion. I have lost a black and white world and I am not happy about it at all because it is not clear where my trust can be given.

At this point though, I probably and finally can appreciate my parents' work and decisions. And no matter how hard I try, I feel my love for them will not be enough to express that appreciation.

Swimming at the mermaids

Strong wind (20km/h), with gust of wind at 35km/h

 

The wind was much stronger today, so we couldn't film at all on the boat, as we were busy navigating and grabbing on to something when we ride those waves against current. I was in front and got a lot of water on me. Fortunately I was covered with my VT sweatshirt, but not waterproof at all.

On the way back, as we didn't feel the wind in our face anymore, I felt the water suck me into its waves. But it was fun surfing the waves to the harbour.

Ahoy Captain!

I just had my first sailing lesson yesterday, and although there was much anxiety on my part before meting the group of 4, it turned out very well. What else did I expect when the weather conditions were so pleasant, with a bit of clouds just giving enough shade from the beautiful blue sky? I left all my belongings at the gym lockers nearby before meeting with the others.

We met at 6pm by baby plage, where noone was swimming, and proceeded on the pier to board on the Chocoboom, a 17m sailing boat. That's when I realized how small a boat is, and how important it is to know which chords are stable to hang on when walking on the boat.

For about 20-30min, the instructor explained what was important on the boat (coque, quille, safran, mat, grande voile, genois) and what 4 chords were doing. We were given life-jackets, and the plan for the day. Then we hooked up the big sail, and the one in front (genois),  pulled them high and exited the harbour with the little motor at the back of the boat.

I fondly remember the words of my high school friend back in boarding school. She had taught me many words that were materializing in front of me, and experienced the wonder she merely tried to describe to me. As the boat zoomed by the small white lighthouse of Bain des Paquis,  the motor was turned off and we set the sails for the first time, learning to catch the wind. Because the boat cannot advance when getting front wind, we have to take it always at least at 45degrees, and zigzag on the lake to any destination (virement de bord).

After a few tacks, which I did a few times with another Turkish colleague, we switched position and I handled the rudder (safran). It wasn't as easy as I thought as direction was reversed (pull right to turn left), and needed to constantly adjust. Then we turned the boat around and had the wind from the back.

When swinging the sail from left to right to catch the wind and zigzag, the equivalent of tack is empannage. By the time we turned around, the wind quieted a bit an we no longer leaned so hard when speeding on water. It was at slow duck speed that we cruised back to the harbour, and it would have been a perfect situation to have drinks and suntan when the boat gently floated its way to the lighthouse again. We didn't have a camra but one colleague from London had his phone with him so we snapped a couple of pictures.

I was still at the "driving" position, giving the signal for empannage and happily and entering the parking area.  Going back on land was not too difficult and I sensed why Anne was so fond of sailing. The floating feeling was lingering as I walked to the gym to get back my things. I was envisioning a summer filled with sailing.

And last night, I had the same feeling as the night in Amsterdam when I ate those magic brownies: I was floating in my bed, and felt like I was on a waterbed. NO wonder sailors get sick on the ground, and wy they cannot walk straight..:P

Standing egg

I discovered this simple group, and trying to play their songs but the guitar part cannot be found ...
http://www.allkpop.com/2010/12/unhyped-talent-standing-egg

Zab in Geneva

Apple store

Random street view in NYC

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..stupor!!!

I was idly looking for split ends when trying to stay awake during a meeting when I encountered a shiny strand of hair...it wasn't reddish or thin, it was a spotlessly white/gray and as long as my other hair. What is this feeling? It is shock and also terror mixed with disbelief. This strand f hair has been growing like any other hair, and I only notice it now.

From that time on, all I notice is that strand of hair and I frantically look for it everywhere on my head now, to see if there are more. It feels I changed from a mere teenager to an old woman. I want to protest against the hair and say I am still young and pretty as a 10 year old, but at the same time I am resigned to accept that at my age I no longer can wear mini tank tops (because the belly flab will show) and have some responsibilities (to work to get money to eat)

Life is hard, and today life also gave me gray hair. sniff

sniff, arghh, scratch, atchoum...pouet!

It's that time of the year, when suddenly a ray of sun catches my pupils and make me sneeze. Like a long learned automatism, my eyes tear up, my nose itches and the inside of my throat starts to tingle. Every single breath of air becomes stuffy with flying bugs, pollens, dust, birds feathers, unidentified particules and and flowery fragrance.

After blowing my nose, scratching my throat with my tongue and picking my ears, it is too late to realize it was done in public. The weather is warming up so that is why it it best to stay on the move by walking, and avoid the public transports where loudly blowing your nose is only attracting attention to you condition.

A superb idea dawned on me today when I entered a pharmacy and asked for eye drops. She offered some and also some allergy medicine (which I already have). I bought them all to stock up for the season and hopefully I will have a scratch-free evening tonight.

pouet!! I somewhow manage to add my own fragrance to the world...

My tulips for you

Some news about shale gas

Here is a bit of an interesting article about shale gas.  It will be probably more and more in the news from now on and it is interesting to learn about the nature and impact of that new energy source.

April's fool

Insomnia victim...

My first ...being last

So i finished the 8.2km race in 1hour 2min, a full 5min faster than what my usual pace during training is. To be fair i was last from the beginning and after crossing path with everyone else encouraging me, i had the full honor of having the green fluorescent motor biker closing path behind me. During the huge slopes upward he would stop 300m ahead of me and wait. After a few encouraging words he would again advance further, and it continued like that until e let me run the last 200m on my own.
At arrival, the commentator was yelling my name to encourage me and incited all other spectators to applaud my achievement, saying that maybe it was my first race (bless!).

I gave my best smile and my best attempt to a sprint on the last 10m and then headed for the prize stand...yes of course I did all this for the prize..which turned out to be a bottle of red wine, produced by the winery where the race started and ended.

I am pretty happy i didn't injure myself on the huge slopes and didn't cramp. I ran out of breath too often to run consistently but i focused on the downward slopes not to roll carelessly. There were scary slopes with beautiful sights of the lake Geneva and the still snowy tops of the Jura.
This means I can increase my training pace to 8.0 - 8.5km/h in the next week and also do the hour run twice a week. GO ME!!

My first good song

I finally managed to learn a whole song, chords and lyrics in one afternoon. It is a sort song but I have no more feelings at my left fingertips. It feels lik cold needles are pricking at them as soon as they touch any surface. Maybe I should actually numb them once and for all in ice so that  I can continue practicing.

Before I have the confidence to post my cover of the song, here is the original.

Getting off work

'dear Father'

On friday morning, the live feed on tv showing a massive wave of destroyed habitat trampling over fields, people and everything it encountered put me in a strange state. My first reaction was to check by any mean the welfare of anyone I know in the area affected. The second reaction, most surprising, was to fly there myself and help...
Some people in Madagascar probably live in poorer conditions but somehow I felt more sympathy for a faraway land. Maybe it is because I only had good and precious memories there.
I have thought hard about the second impulse and deduced it could be different things:
-the fact that I long to feel needed again and that my current job does not provide me that satisfaction anymore. In short it is pure selfishness.
-I always want to go to Japan
-maybe I am having my midlife crisis where I feel I would risk my life and do things impulsively
A disturbing nightmare visited me that night where a savage human preyed on another one, eating at his convulsed and foaming face while I watch horrified and unable to do anything but silently scream.
That sight still haunts me during my waking hiurs and I am not sure what inspired that vision.
Over the weeken, I found myself praying for the survivors, that they find courage and strength to go through the difficult life ahead of them: no food, no water, no shelter, no job, etc...and I was unable to pray for my friend when she had her surgery...
They would call it irrational.
In any case I feel I miss the comforting presence of my dear papa in this situation as he experienced disasters like this more often than he wished for.

Little corner

Every time I visit the little corner, I have the oddest strongest emotion and promise myself to share it somehow. Maybe it is a sign that I have become a robot at work and the only time I manage to feel anything is in the privacy of a 2 suqare meter.

First there is a whole algorithm in to choosing which stall to use: the place has movement sensing lights and after a few minutes the light goes off in each stall. So when coming in, once can choose among 3 cubicles. I usually choose the one farthest away from the one occupied, or the one with the light off. I probably put too much thought into it...kekeke


One time I was tempted to steal a paper roll as it was very thick paper with cute little flower design. it was a bit strange to be attracted to a shiny white roll like that.

Another time  was so disgusted at the traces of mud all over the place on the bowl I angrily yelled how the hell people do their business sometimes.

Finally there is the bathroom chitchat. I never quite understand why people decide to engage in useless conversation in such a place, when clearly all I want to do is clear my mind and relax a bit. So when someone is trying to chat and I am really not in the mood, I dry my hands with that airplane sounding dyson hand dryer...deafening the whole floor in the same process and knocking myself down unconscious for a few seconds...

Let me feel pain...good pain...

it was a good relaxing day to try something new, since I got old and all. So I went for a thai massage at this place and got some interesting experience.

First of all it was my time of the month, and I was a bit nervous it would be unpleasant for the masseur. But I had more stressful things to worry about once the massage started. My belly started acting up, and lying on my belly, and him pulling and pushing me flat on the ground like a crepe, I was worried I would just fart out loud...

Somehow though, just as I was about to explode, he pushed here and there on my body and the gaz stayed inside me. not sure if that is good or bad, but I would say at that moment it was good for both of us.

Then lying on my back, my stomach was making all sorts of growling noises that made me laugh out loud of nervousness and embarrassment. It was past 16:30 and I still had one hour to go. It was really nice though, as every part of my body he touched was painful, and his massage really untied some of the knots I have been carrying for years.

I just wish my stomach would stop talking and scare the hell out of me. next time I will try the swedish massage. I bet that is even more painful...

Getting olderrrrr

I made my firsta ttempt to Yosenabe to celebrate my last day of 3xyears old with friends. We managed to eat only half of it but most of the seafood were eaten. I made dashi for the first time from scratch and I really loved the taste. 

In the nabe we cooked the carrots, shiitake mushrooms, daikon slices (lotus roots), small clams, mussels and we finished with shrimps.

While waiting for the broth to boil, we had pumpkin in soy sauce, tofu with sesame seeds and green onions, and raw tuna salad.

I have lots of leftovers, especially all the meat that we did not cook...

The 6 of them suprsed me with presents and a birthday cake for dessert...so sweet.

 

One of my guests made a birthday cake for me...More of her creations are at http://www.jucutecakes.com/

Snowboard weekend highlights

I managed to score a ticket tot the company's winter sports weekend in Crans Montana, in Valais. It is about 3h from Geneva by coach and this time we were not stuck in snow like last year. In fact, I didn't see any snow at all when we arrived at the hotel, and got a bit worried we would have to get to the glacier before getting any snow. However as we mingled during the apero, those who arrived in the morning and were on the slopes indicated that they had very good snow. The weather forecast was sunny and 13C at the hotel level (about 1500m), so it didn't really feel like winter.

Saturday morning was stressful as we had to pick up the equipment from the rental shop. That morning started with 25min walk to town, picking up my tiny 135cm snowboard (apparently the latest design), and the not so uncomfortable snowboard shoes. Back at the hotel by bus, I found out the instructor left already (it was only 9:15am!) and I had to join them 150m away from the hotel, at the closest lift cabins. But those 150m were on a 60degree uphill slope so it was a huffing and puffing exercise to warm up for the slopes. Got there in one piece and joined a group of 2 instructors and 5 other beginners. After 2 telecabins, 2 chairlifts and a 5 min walk, we finally got to our destination: jardin des neiges, where all beginners get used to moving on snow...usually at the age of 3...

 

 

Ready for 2 days of "no pain, no shame, no gain", we launched ourselves on the slope and tumbled, crashed, rolled, bumped like a suicide squad for 2 hours, to finally be able to finish that one slope standing on the board...All in all, everyone managed to slide down the slope on their heels, so it was amazing to look back on the falls we had. In term of body pains, there is no words to describe the butt pains or knee pains...The sunny weather kept the mood high, and a drink or 2 helps relax the muscles.

Lunch was very late as 100 people from Nescafe were ahead of us, so we starved until 2pm before getting our delicious pizza. In the afternoon, I managed to do a right turn consistently but still crashed on the left turn.

The next day, I was up at 7:30am to get to the slopes at 9:00am. The weather was still beautiful and I probably tanned just resting on the conveyor belts. I had my knee pads on but still crashed on my back and butts so that i could not even sit comfortably for breakfast or lunch. Neck and headaches were part of the day as the left turn kept putting me on my knees and back. I was having a Zoolander moment. But eventually, I downed that slope in smooth turns before lunchtime and forgot the pains..until I sat down on the bench to get lunch.

Another hour of practice in the afternoon with the other girl that stuck it up and didn't give up, and we were happy to slide down more comfortably without loosing too many limbs. I really enjoyed it more than skiing, despite the painful crashes. For now, I am recovering with my blue knees, stuck neck and sore buttocks in sunny Geneva.

Sore and wet bottom after a full day of snowboard

it's been a while ....Aquarius, but you are puurrfect!!!

The sun sign Aquarius is associated to water. People who are born under this sign can be categorized in to two sections. One who are shy, humble, gentle, soft spoken and patient and the rest are lively, exuberant and witty. They become instantly popular for their strong determination and will power. If you know an Aquarius, be sure that he will be you through thick and thin. The Aquarius doesn’t get easily involved into relationships but once they enter into one, they can be the best confidante. They are well known for their devotion and dedication. Honest and outspoken you can be rest assured that if you commit a mistake the person will make you see it and persuade you to admit your flaw till you agree.
They are the eleventh sign in the list of sun signs and are extremely conscientious socially and this is what takes them through to the new age. They have a vision and they can progress long with that. The water bearer is the symbol of the Aquarians and they bring forward life to the people they are with. Original and detached, they are gifted with rare qualities. They are very giving in nature but they give on their own condition and can be quite inflexible at times.
The Aquarius often has an artistic bent of mind. They like to indulge in performing arts and literature. They have their own sets of ideas and principles which they don't like to compromise with. Their imaginations run wild which sometimes make them appear serious or unmindful. This is the phase when they tend to be aloof even from their friends. This is the time when they you should deal with him patience providing him enough space to be himself. They might be rude or resentful during when in a bad mood but you have to know that they don't mean what they say. The Aquarius is arisen when they develop hatred for someone. They might go to the extreme to take revenge.
Aquarius precisely goes around with a sign that says 'Handle with Care' as they can be equally a cranky as they are generally warm hearted and kind. Though unpredictable at times you can always rely on their honesty and loyalty.
Aquarius match very well with Librans and they are considered to be the perfect match. Both go together like a house on fire. So, Librans find your perfect match with immediate affect!

Happy new (rabbit) year 2011!!

Closing comments for 2010

2010 has been a year filled with painful firsts and realizations, but also some exciting highlights:
-family losses and the realization of being human, the meaning of mortality, and another taste at "regret"
-and also the comforting and beauty of family
-2hour attempt at snowboarding, in rainy weather and mushy snow
-regular badminton games
-getting a fringe again, inspired by some k-drama actress (yeah, it's quite big in my life these days)
-having korean barbecue meal surrounded by posters of kpop flower boys
-learning to control sheer disgust or repulsive feeling toward my 2nd boss to accomplish my work professionally
-looking at some guy and literally wanting to have his baby! (hormones, when did you become so unreasonable?)
-taking a 3D picture in the Sony showroom
-first contact with Singapore, and road trip to Venice


I suppose the o-mikuji I got at Izumo Taisha was right: that it was a crucially painful year but I had to keep believing and be grateful to the (8000+) Gods and I would be fine. Time stops at some point for me and I get to be wondering where I am headed, and many glittering unattainable and possible futures form up in my imagination to get me going. I promised myself to clear my emotions up in 2011 and be as decisive as in year 2009, when I managed to travel to Japan on my own strength.

As I feel weak physically when fighting the cold that keeps me from sleeping, the best cure for me is still to work hard to get that dream situation come true or become that "me" I want to see in the mirror. For the first time, I am noticing it would be tough and tiring. I am tempted to give up but that is no longer an option. A certain sense of urgency has taken over.

For 2010 though, I indeed thank the Shinto Gods for letting me recover with my family and the happiness of my friends.

Tired of waiting - 2PM

Getting tired while waiting… (U know?)
Gotten tired while waiting and~
U Know, do you know how I feel?
Gotten tired while waiting~
Do you still remember me? (Oh~ no)
Even if a day goes by, I'll still remember you
Even if a month goes by, I still won't let you go
Can you understand my desires for you? (oh~no)
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting,( yeah~)
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face

Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)
I am holding back just in case you come back, (oh yeah~ )
I am still waiting (oh yea~)
Even if a month goes by, I'll still remember you.
Even if a year goes by, I still won't let you go
Can you understand my desires for you? (oh~no)
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face
Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)

Why is it so hard
and everything's so complicated in my head.
I was waiting and waiting
and yet no answers from you
I didn't cry because of you
and you didn't leave because of me
So why is it so hard, why is it so hard?

I will wait for a year
or even a decade if I have to.
Oh~ I I I I I I I I will wait and it's fine if tire myself out.
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face
Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)

2 suns this morning

 

Somehow the rising sun reflected in a dense cloud this morning..eerie feeling of a 2 sun planet

Very cold cold return