For half a day she tried on the life of a pampered woman : spending that half a day soaking in a hot bath till she wrinkled up, getting ready to walk in the cold to the hairdresser, enjoying a head massage and a new haircut (by a 'director' please! not just a stylist), then healthy dinner with sushi.
All in all though nothing else was done: no studying, no worrying..just magazine reading...kind of letting vacuum take hold of her brain.
Tomorrow, she'll be back as normal, filling up her head with kanji, information about her next trip, and worries about her future 'I'...
Rather than trying to live strongly In order to truly become strong On the edge of the rooftop I let my wounded feathers tremble I look up at the cool night sky
I drown in the thrill of frauds I run into the intense knife blade What is reality? Where is the truth? The blue sky seems further away the more I worry
A devilish smile like an angel It is overwhelming this town It seems like it could be broken, it seems it could be lost But it will definitely go out and find A true heart
If under the weight of the dream you carry Your arms are becoming a little tired It will be alright Because I will support you Don’t falter, just believe in that dream
A devilish voice like an angel I can hear it in my chest I haven’t sinned yet I am suffering That heart is painfully Continuing to call me…
What is reality? Where is the truth? The blue sky seems further away the more I worry
A devilish smile like an angel It is overwhelming this town A devilish voice like an angel I can hear it in my chest I haven’t sinned yet I am suffering That heart is painfully Continuing to call me…
I am supposed ot review for my exam which is on Thursday 10am, but instead of reading the 500+ pages required, I watched this addictive series called Maou. For those who want to take a break from Pokemon island (evil laugh) or to watch a less bloddy version of Saw, this is quite a thriller.
What impressed me most were the character's take on vengeance, hell, and atonement. The emotions are pretty raw and poignant in the series, and each character is somewhat complex. It is a series in which it is pretty difficult to hate even the 'meanest' character.
Finally, it made me feel like hell is only a threat if one understands what it feels while alive: to loose one's loved ones, not to be believed in, to be rejected by society, for example. And that vengeance can take up your whole life, which can loose its meaning once vengeance is achieved.
After many long months of debating and searching for a decent ticket for Japan, I finally decided on using my £250 voucher from AF (thanks striking pilots!), and booked my economy, non changeable ticket to the far east.
My month of May should be quite interesting indeed. I even have the possibility to participate in a homestay program for a week, and experience what it is to be ina Japanese family. Part of the attraction is to eat homecooking food! And maybe to learn some as well.
The only scary and appalling part? I only have 20kg checked luggage allowed!!! Hopefully it will be a warm spring season, though I'll miss the cherry blossom viewing (unless I go north to Hokkaido). But I guess I won't be carrying to heavy souvenirs on my way back.
Counting the days (and counting the calories not to eat, as I don't wanna be the fattest person there)...asian people are so thin, even my arm would give them a heart attack. It will be a full culture shock for me, but I do not want to shock them either by being foreign, dar skinned, AND fat...grrrrr..at least I'd liek to fit in my nice clothes...from 3 years ago. resolution? no...necessity.
So how many of my friends have kids now? And how many of them are already trillingual by birth? Just imagine, in 20 years, with everyone moving and expatriating all over the place, most kids will be trillingual...maybe the percentage is already close to 50% in some areas?
I remember something about most Europeans being billingual nowadays: local language and the native one, or the local language and English.
I wonder, will the left brain take over the right brain then? Or will it grow bigger? Mind you, there are already so many right handed people already, it shouldn't change much..but I wonder still..would you become left handed to relieve your left brain???
And so while looking for lateralization of brain function, I stumbled on NLP, which is used in managerial training, and which seems to be some bullshit disguised as a formula for success...but! Everyone believes in it and get NLP certified....interesting...
I finally saw the fireworks on the Thames....from my bedroom window! As the chimes rang on Big Ben on the BBC, the horizon lit up with a kaleidoskope of lights, silently spilling upward. There must be thousands of people huddled underneath those lights, freezing blue and cheering the new born year, trying hard to believe in hope and new starts.
As nine replaces eight, a second later than usual, a certain bitterness stays: an after taste of ways of doing things better or wasted opportunities? Or is this just the feeling of time passing by? Why are the uneasy times better remembered than the happy times?
Happy times there were: a smile here and there, warming the gloomy mood. Laughs and cheers during family and friends reunions. A sense of small achievements upon a pay rise.
No matter how poignant the hard times are though, the short lived happiness that comes before is what I am looking forward to living again.
Winter is gnawing at your bones and taking your breath away in a fit of coughs? Have you eaten so much your bellybutton has popped out of its socket? Or are the numbers on your credit cards so unreadable from overusing it that you can't buy anything online anymore?
The holidays period brings its shares of denial attitude: I can buy as many pair of lively colored socks, I can eat all the chocolate I got for Christmas, I can run. But the truth is, I am broke, indigestion is lurking behind that piece of chocolate, and my throat and cough hasn#t dissapeared since 23rd November.
What is worth looking forward to?
-Definetely not the new year resolutions. They will only last about 3 weeks. -A promotion at work? that is as uncertain as my weight next year -A new flat or room? I have about 3 weeks of rummaging through the ads online to find a cheap decent one. -My trip to Japan in May? Only if I decide to buy the plane ticket soon, after I realize there won't be any international assignment during that period.
For now, I am in pure denial and enjoying good company in my friend Zab, who I initiated in the lifewasting task of watching Japanese JDrama (mwahahahahaha). Sharing a passion is always very satisfying...
ゆっくりと… 届くよメロディー 好きだよ 大好きだよ いつまでもいっしょ 恋する あなたには あたしだけなの あたしだけなの ============== I told you about my growing love And you gave me a big nod When I held your left hand for the first time You were trembling more than me You're so shy You always run too fast It worried me, because I was plotting "If we're in love, let's fool around"
"My soul mate" "My prince on the white horse" Embarrassed, you pay no attention I want you to tell me what matters to you I love you so much I can't help it
You slowly, slowly hold me As you smile, your heartbeat is my rhythm I love you, I love you so much, we'll be together forever I'm the only one for you, my love
At some point, I've come to look Looking at your profile When I noticed that you were blushing And begged you for a kiss, you got mad at me
To be honest, sometimes I want you to give me a big compliment I'm having fun, floating again But I know without a doubt that I love you I love you so much it's embarrassing
Slowly, slowly, it guides our hands Our wonderful melody I love you, I love you so much, we'll be together forever You're the only one for me, my love
Slowly, slowly, hold up your hands The melody will reach you, my love I love you, I love you so much, I'll say it again and again I love you, yeah, you
Slowly...the melody will reach you I love you, I love you so much, we'll be together forever I'm the only one for you, my love I'm the only one
帰りたくなったよ 君が待つ街へ かけがえのないその手に今 もう一度伝えたいから 帰りたくなったよ 君が待つ家に 聞いて欲しい話があるよ 笑ってくれたら嬉しいな ======================== I wanted to fill the hole in my heart so I pretended to be nice and smiled First meetings and final farewells restlessly pile up on my shoulder
I realize regrettably how hopeless I am and that’s my loss I can’t be stronger so I closed my eyes and put up with it
Look, I can see it now
I want to go home now, back to the city where you wait for me Give me a big wave hello and I’ll return it just as big I want to go home now, back to the house where you wait for me I’ve got a story I want you to hear and I’ll be glad if it makes you smile
I’m sure I can’t count everything that’s precious to me There might be days when I stumble but I won’t cry anymore
Look, I can see it now
I want to tell you now, all about the tomorrow I see I’m doing just fine, I’ll keep telling you as long as it takes I want to tell you now, all about my steadfast dream I’ve got a story I want you to hear and I’ll be glad if you nod your approval
I want to go home now, back to the city where you wait for me I’ll grab that irreplaceable hand now and tell you once more I want to go home now, back to the house where you wait for me I’ve got a story I want you to hear and I’ll be glad if it makes you smile
When you loose your voice, there are a lot of things that are not possiblle: -calling the clinic for an appointment (or even the emergency services. Do I just keep the phone on if I faint in my apartment and they come and save me or...?) -speaking to the receptionist through a glass door -any interaction on the phone with friends and family -sleeping soundly, as I need my regular intake of lemon and honey to soothe the ear and throat infection.
I am testing my voice when I wake up. I sometimes go insane thinking maybe I have gone deaf as well as I can't hear my voice. Too bad I still hear the construction across the building!
Maybe it is time I learn sign language? I had to write everything on paper for the doctor to type in his computer. Remember, they do not touch the patient in this country. This doctor was very brave though,and used the stethoscope on my back to inspect my lungs. He also tried to inspect my ears with visibly dirty instrument (he picked up from his pencil box and had like grass on it), but I frowned so bad at it he chose a clean one from the medicine box....geez! Maybe next time I will bring my own tools for the doctor to use.
I am tor est for a week (the usual advice since it is legal to miss work without a doctor's note for that amount of time), and come back if not cured. It is very re-assuring and I am once again furious as clearly all my tax money is spent somewhere else than in sound medical/health services...
But what am I doing? Ranting here won't change a thing. But then again, I lost my voice so I can't be heard.
