Do you have enough socks?

Winter is gnawing at your bones and taking your breath away in a fit of coughs? Have you eaten so much your bellybutton has popped out of its socket? Or are the numbers on your credit cards so unreadable from overusing it that you can't buy anything online anymore?

The holidays period brings its shares of denial attitude: I can buy as many pair of lively colored socks, I can eat all the chocolate I got for Christmas, I can run. But the truth is, I am broke, indigestion is lurking behind that piece of chocolate, and my throat and cough hasn#t dissapeared since 23rd November.

What is worth looking forward to?

-Definetely not the new year resolutions. They will only last about 3 weeks.
-A promotion at work? that is as uncertain as my weight next year
-A new flat or room? I have about 3 weeks of rummaging through the ads online to find a cheap decent one.
-My trip to Japan in May? Only if I decide to buy the plane ticket soon, after I realize there won't be any international assignment during that period.


For now, I am in pure denial and enjoying good company in my friend Zab, who I initiated in the lifewasting task of watching Japanese JDrama (mwahahahahaha). Sharing a passion is always very satisfying...

Cheer, joy!

'Rule the world' by revelation

'Spiderman' by Last Minute choir

Kinda reminds me of college choirs and the geekiness of it all.

Live

Coup de coeur: Ikimono gakari (いきものがかり)

Koisuru Otome


つのる思いを打ち明けた
　大きくうなづいてくれた
初めて握る左手は
　あたしよりもふるえていた
恥ずかしがり屋のあなたは
　いつもやたらと早足で
スキがあればじゃれつこうと
　たくらむあたし悩ませた

「運命の人よ」「白馬の王子様よ」
あなたはまた照れて　聞き流すけど
カンジンなことは　ちゃんと伝えて欲しいんだ
どうしようもないくらいに　好きだから

ゆっくりと　ゆっくりと　あたしを抱きしめて
微笑む　あなたの　鼓動はリズム
好きだよ　大好きだよ　いつまでもいっしょ
恋する　あなたには　あたしだけなの

いつしかあなたの横顔
　のぞくことが好きになって
気付いて赤らむあなたに
　キスをねだると怒られた

ほんとうはたまに　ギュッと褒めて欲しいんだ
あたしまたはしゃいで　舞い上がるけど
コイスルことが　素直にわかってくる
くやしくなるくらいに　好きだから

ゆっくりと　ゆっくりと　この手を導いて
あたしと　あなたの　素敵なメロディ
好きだよ　大好きだよ　どこまでもいっしょ
恋する　あたしには　あなただけなの

ゆっくりと　ゆっくりと　両手を突き上げて
愛しい　あなたに　届くよメロディ
好きだよ　大好きだよ　何度でも言うよ
あなたに　そうあなたに　コイしてるの

ゆっくりと…　届くよメロディー
好きだよ　大好きだよ　いつまでもいっしょ
恋する　あなたには　あたしだけなの
あたしだけなの
==============
I told you about my growing love
And you gave me a big nod
When I held your left hand for the first time
You were trembling more than me
You're so shy
You always run too fast
It worried me, because I was plotting
"If we're in love, let's fool around"

"My soul mate" "My prince on the white horse"
Embarrassed, you pay no attention
I want you to tell me what matters to you
I love you so much I can't help it

You slowly, slowly hold me
As you smile, your heartbeat is my rhythm
I love you, I love you so much, we'll be together forever
I'm the only one for you, my love

At some point, I've come to look
Looking at your profile
When I noticed that you were blushing
And begged you for a kiss, you got mad at me

To be honest, sometimes I want you to give me a big compliment
I'm having fun, floating again
But I know without a doubt that I love you
I love you so much it's embarrassing

Slowly, slowly, it guides our hands
Our wonderful melody
I love you, I love you so much, we'll be together forever
You're the only one for me, my love

Slowly, slowly, hold up your hands
The melody will reach you, my love
I love you, I love you so much, I'll say it again and again
I love you, yeah, you

Slowly...the melody will reach you
I love you, I love you so much, we'll be together forever
I'm the only one for you, my love
I'm the only one




Kaeritaku Nattayo


心の穴を埋めたいから　優しいフリして笑った
出会いと別れがせわしく　僕の肩を駆けていくよ

ダメな自分が悔しいほど　わかってしまうから損だ
強くはなりきれないから　ただ目をつぶって耐えてた

ほら　見えてくるよ

帰りたくなったよ　君が待つ街へ
大きく手を振ってくれたら　何度でも振り返すから
帰りたくなったよ　君が待つ家に
聞いて欲しい話があるよ　笑ってくれたら嬉しいな

たいせつなことは数えるほど　あるわけじゃないんだ　きっと
くじけてしまう日もあるけど　泣き出すことなんて　もうない

ほら　見えてくるよ

伝えたくなったよ　僕が見る明日を
大丈夫だよってそう言うから　何度でも繰り返すから
伝えたくなったよ　変わらない夢を
聞いて欲しい話があるよ　うなずいてくれたら嬉しいな

帰りたくなったよ　君が待つ街へ
かけがえのないその手に今　もう一度伝えたいから
帰りたくなったよ　君が待つ家に
聞いて欲しい話があるよ　笑ってくれたら嬉しいな
========================
I wanted to fill the hole in my heart so I pretended to be nice and smiled
First meetings and final farewells restlessly pile up on my shoulder

I realize regrettably how hopeless I am and that’s my loss
I can’t be stronger so I closed my eyes and put up with it

Look, I can see it now

I want to go home now, back to the city where you wait for me
Give me a big wave hello and I’ll return it just as big
I want to go home now, back to the house where you wait for me
I’ve got a story I want you to hear and I’ll be glad if it makes you smile

I’m sure I can’t count everything that’s precious to me
There might be days when I stumble but I won’t cry anymore

Look, I can see it now

I want to tell you now, all about the tomorrow I see
I’m doing just fine, I’ll keep telling you as long as it takes
I want to tell you now, all about my steadfast dream
I’ve got a story I want you to hear and I’ll be glad if you nod your approval

I want to go home now, back to the city where you wait for me
I’ll grab that irreplaceable hand now and tell you once more
I want to go home now, back to the house where you wait for me
I’ve got a story I want you to hear and I’ll be glad if it makes you smile

Lost voice

When you loose your voice, there are a lot of things that are not possiblle:
-calling the clinic for an appointment (or even the emergency services. Do I just keep the phone on if I faint in my apartment and they come and save me or...?)
-speaking to the receptionist through a glass door
-any interaction on the phone with friends and family
-sleeping soundly, as I need my regular intake of lemon and honey to soothe the ear and throat infection.

I am testing my voice when I wake up. I sometimes go insane thinking maybe I have gone deaf as well as I can't hear my voice. Too bad I still hear the construction across the building!

Maybe it is time I learn sign language? I had to write everything on paper for the doctor to type in his computer. Remember, they do not touch the patient in this country. This doctor was very brave though,and used the stethoscope on my back to inspect my lungs. He also tried to inspect my ears with visibly dirty instrument (he picked up from his pencil box and had like grass on it), but I frowned so bad at it he chose a clean one from the medicine box....geez! Maybe next time I will bring my own tools for the doctor to use.

I am tor est for a week (the usual advice since it is legal to miss work without a doctor's note for that amount of time), and come back if not cured. It is very re-assuring and I am once again furious as clearly all my tax money is spent somewhere else than in sound medical/health services...

But what am I doing? Ranting here won't change a thing. But then again, I lost my voice so I can't be heard.

From 26C to -1C

Tarmac

Starting the trip back....

Happy 80th-ish birthday, Mama

Saturday night show - Momix

Managed to get tickets for the last show!

One eventful day

I suppose it's been a while since my brain has been challenged this much. I was on a UNIX based course today and I am even surprised I enjoye dit so much. God knows how I avoided using vi in my college years, yet there I was trying to rack my brain with the ways to edit and save a file in the damn editor. Anyway, I only retain things when it is absolutely necessary so for the next 2 days I will almost act as if I knew my way around that UNIX (s)hell.

After a morning that breezed through, an afternoon trying to understand a Solaris based sytem configuration on a full stomach and a drowsy head, I was back to my housing area...and on an impulse to buy something for a cute litle girl (Kenzah), entered a kids' clothes shop. After some difficulty, I found some cute clothes, but then after 5 more minutes I found everything cute and ended up with 7 outfits! Imagine if it were for my own kid! I was shocked. So I put everything back on the rails, and started from scratch. I seriously am not fit for this kind of things. It is much easier to buy clothes for myself. These are clothes she will grow out of in a couple of months too, so it seems like an expensive investment. Without being a parent, I now understand the tight budget they have/had to juggle with.

I got sick of trying to make a decision so ended up buying the 2 things I picked up first...I am a gut feeling person after all.

All that is elft is to be pretty for my passport photo tomorrow.

Thrills down my spine

The guitar version is what'#s in my mind but th epiano interpretation of this Albeniz piece is also quite awesome (Granada, Spanish suite).

What I ended up learning

How I love the 'IT Crowd'

It's amazing how the outtakes, bloopers or NG are making my day

Finally I am going to see 'Momix'

the song of workaholics...

The next piece.....

Not sure which one to choose...
1-Beethoven Sonata no8 'pathetique' 2nd movement


2-Liszt Liebestraum nocture 3


3 - Liszt Consolation no.3


4 - Tchaikovsky Op. 40 Nr. 2


Hum..considering I am missing about 20 notes..

Using this pensieve...

On wednesday morning I had a bagel to remember the taste of my college years.
I also got my student card that says 'undergraduate' on it...yiikes!
My resolve to do a good job at work is wavering.
Something I picked up in 'Seirei no Moribito' this week: "When one has money, life can be the same wherever she/he goes or lives. When you don't have money, you get the opportunity to adapt to different situations." I'll have to remeber that one in case I become too needy and greedy.
Am I uncomfortable with the thought of being happy?

Confidential

Have you ever wondered why you did not choose that exciting option? Or risked everything for a new experience? When you are afraid of what people may think, how important are those people to you? Why are you lacking confidence in yourself?

I admit we shared a bottle of sparkling wine between 3 people. But we also somehow felt safe enough to confront those questions and listen to each other. it is amazing how very good looking people are unsecure about their hair, looks, behaviour or what people may think. Maybe I am just naive to only care about very few friends and family memebers opinions. Some find me fragile, strong, balanced, cold hearted, but to be honest, we only do things for ourselves anyway: selfless acts are very rare (I am sure there is an episode of Friends where Phoebe makes that statement).

To be strong is to be able to protect our loved ones...thus for your own satisfaction and happiness.
To love or to give is to see that other person smile or enjoy the gift, which is again for oneself's benefit or relief.

So really, being committed to oneself seems the viable option.

S&M..which one are you?

I feel like a woman when...

-People around me start comparing their mobile phnoe features, discussing the operating systems, gadgets and accessories they have with it...totally a guy thing! When they lend it to me to see, I have a hard time understanding how to make a phone call with it...

-the cold autumn wind lifts up my skirt and my buttocks feels the breeze...

-I spot a nice pair of jeans on a nice pair of legs and I just want to see the front of that person walking in front of me..yiikes, there's a girl walking next to him...totally jealous!

-I get into the cosmetics aisles in a pharmacy or department store. Come to think of it, we women always think we can look or be better with tons of creams and medicines on...based on how the product container looks like.

-I am getting a head massage.

-I get people around me to do what I wanted them to do and I don't feel guilty about it because I was nice.

Autumn in London

That was Trafalgar Square at the end of the Beijing olympics...August went. September has rushed in with a torrent of rain and wind. The only bright fact is I have my ticket for an island much closer to the equator...let November come.

Before that, a lot to worry about:
-Japanese interview to enroll into classes
-Products exam for work
-Saving money for that November holiday (the Japan trip fund is also accepting donations!)
-Sending those outstanding posts...ahem...
-Stop biting nails..
-Loose 20 pounds (top of mission impossible list)
-Keep my friends...

The list is tiring me. I should just go back to sleep.

Falling in love...

The quiet moment that makes me look back and smile, is when I picture the moment I fall in love. It's usually a blurry and silent moment, because my memory erased all sounds and only remembers one beat of my heart, a single intake of air that stays frozen in time.

A crush has a scent of colonne or after-shave, and usually emotions come bursting into full fledged lust. My crushes are my source of light headedness and replaying of impossible ero-scenarios until I face reality and surprise myself day dreaming or being stupid.

That suspended moment in time when I fall for someone is the beginning of my worries. At that time I fully acknowledge my feelings for him: his pains become mine, his joys are my source of joy, etc...typical textbook cliche. Every casual time spent together becomes happiness.

I tend to forget about what I want during those happy times. I loose myself into making him happy that I sometimes erase myself. (Un?)Fortunately my tolerance is pretty low (and maybe selfishness is only dormant) so the smallest misconduct annoys me and my over-reaction is to pull back to re-assess what the relationship is giving me...Being a very idealistic person, I usually assume he reads minds. Being an unforgiving type, I have a hard time with all types of treachery.

Looking back could make me want to get back to those times, to fall in love again.

But first,

let me heal the wounds after falling...It's not all cotton buds, rose petals and feather we are falling into.

Some funny choreography in funny clothes

Gomen ne Juliet


Pinky


They all look 12..The moves look cool without the baggy lycra shining clothes...

After Olympics dramas

So now that I no longer can watch the Olympics at work (Tae kwon do, GRS, Synchronized swimming), I get to watch some weird Japanese series online...so I graduated from anime and dived into live actions....Sadly enough I've watched loads fo thema nd here are my 3 picks so far:

-Last Friends: about friendship and love
-Code Blue: Think ER with an helicopter (and yummy Yamapi)
-Puzzle: quite hilarious mystery series, especially the way they use English at the beginning.

Well some of them are still airing and season finales are approaching. In the meantime, I've totally lost track of what is airing in the West. I guess my head is kind of Asian oriented these days.

Thoughts of a tired mind

Discipline has never been my forte. I need that peer pressure to keep striving for my own goals:going to the gym at work, repeating out loud that I need to spend more time learning Japanese, repeating out loud that I have a test coming up next week...unfortunately I also tend to say out loud that I am hungry, tired and pissed off....

There are too many things that prevent me for keeping my discipline: minimal social life (though I ate out twice this week), various series online to watch (hmm to practice my Japanese reading and listening)...

Most importantly after that weekend in Savoie, I realize I tend to enjoy the company of various people, most often very different people with completely diverse interests and personalities. I haven't yet met that one person that has all those interesting characteristics, and I know I will never meet one. It's a tough realization that is starting to sink in that maybe I will have to settle for less than everything:)

It is also a given fact that at this point I am in no way inclined to sacrifice what I want to do for anyone else's sake..except maybe family members...

When deciding on where my career is going, it is even more vague than usual. There are a lot of things I do not want to do, and even more things I would like to try. There is just not enough time in this life to have it all, hence this other frustration griping my forehead.

Being greedy sure is painful! Is it easier to make decisions for someone you love? I imagine it is because you already have an idea of what is good or would make that someone happy...in my case, I dont know what will make me happy...

Wedding in Savoie

After 7 years....

Vocabulary

When in Singapore, mind the travellator...

Total Praise

For that time when you just want to sing from the top of your lungs and shiver....shiver..shiver

What's my sign again?

Because I'm out of inspiration and completely knackered from this week, here's another horoscope...mind you, I hate snakes myself.

SNAKES ARE:
Thoughtful, Wise, Shrewd, Intuitive, Guarded, Independent, Sometimes Lazy.

The Snake is the master seducer of the Chinese Zodiac. Always well-liked, Snakes are sociable yet introverted as well as intuitive and blessed with a keen aptitude for business. ('not sure about the well liked but it's true noone thingks I'm introverted')

Although Snakes may not consider money that important ('I think money is important!') , their luck and tendency to be a bit tight with their purse strings ensure they will have more money than they need ('Well, it's not like I'm stingy...and no, that last part is all false as well. I don;t seem to be able to save any money').

Snakes are far more mentally active than they are physically.(though i stopped computing squares in my sleep, I'm going to the gym now...)

They tend to analyze events before joining in. Overall Snakes have reserved dispositions and probing minds that make intellectual pursuits far more attractive to them than physical activity.('well...I have someone in mind. The problem is, it makes me dumb to have someone in mind')

At their core, Snakes are a little insecure, and can be very jealous and possessive, which can estrange both their friends and family. ('HA, totally!')

Despite their imperfections, Snakes can be alluring, munificent ('what does that word mean?')and loving. Snakes tend to trust their own intuition over the advice of others.

While sometimes they are seen as lazy, Snakes will work very hard when the need arises. They are not quitters and expect the same commitment from their partners in any venture.

Snakes could often be a little less arrogant, and develop a stronger sense of self.('well, not sure about the arrogance, since I'm often self effacing or spectator')


So there you have it, another 2min wasted in reading rubbish!

COME AGAIN....

Highlights and favourites of my trip to Indonesia

Of course, there are so many things I learned and enjoyed during those 2 weeks. But mainly I am glad I shared those emotions with these fantastic people.



These are the times worth living for.

There were of course a whole adventure for the palate, and I am happy my stomach held everything, thanks for all the good bacterias I have accumulated all my life eating junk food on the streets.


And island hopping is definetely an exciting activity, especially when I get to see so much sun days in a row! But there were more than just beaches in Bali. Temples, crafts, so many luxurious (ahem) plants, the smell of fresh air, sensual tastes,...



I felt I was both at home and lost in the infinite universe. Time didn't stop, time didn't exist. I woke up at peace, and went to sleep content. I tried to take some actions to help the ones around me, trying not to be too much of a spectator, but really, it was also very rewarding just to watch, and feel so much emotions. I am so grateful words, a smile and warm tears are not enough to convey how I feel.




Terima kasih

D'Masiv - Cinta Ini Membunuhku

Here is a soundtrack of my past vacation in Indonesia. I listened to it on the plane and it makes me so happy it makes me smile every morning when I am waiting for the trains on a cold windy platform in London.

I Heart Robot?

Well, what a shock, after watching Zettai Kareshi, I stumble on this news:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080615/ts_afp/lifestylenetherlandstechnologylovesexrobots_080615055138


Scary stuff...makes you think a bit about why and how we feel sometimes.

Iznogoud or Izitgoud?

Alas, I don't have that marsupilami comics around, but for sure I was torn between fear of poisononing and will to please again this morning. Like any present I try to offer, it is always a torture before getting the approval of the recipient. Imagine me baking a 'pudding' from 3 days old bread, milk, egggs and banana, and bringing it to work for my comrades...it was still warm when it got to the office, and I was in torture thinking it is disgusting and noone will eat it (since I didn't even have a chance to taste it).
This is a torture I am enduring at each gift or offering, because I usually choose it on impulse then regret or fear for its validity or value until the actual offering: is this too much? is this enough? would it be useful? will it end in the trash? is this suitable? etc...Of course there is the joy of being able to offer something, but it is only completelly fulfilled when the recipient(s) actually enjoys it...

Why the worry? I am not sure. Maybe because I just want everything to be perfect, although i never found it easy to choose the time to give the present. So I tend to slip it or throw it at them, casually, pretending I din't care,that it is not a big deal. But strangely enough, it is quite a big deal for me...vanity? or I care so much about what people think of me after all?

Ah well, they finished the cake. I will remember to collect and use old leftover baguettes from work next time.

This is a man's world

Here is a typical day at work. Obviously we all try to get to our desk on time before the hordes of clients hurriedly call us on our headset(some have wireless ones and can still sound professional in the toilets). And this is why I can never be a good fiction writer because I can nver come up with these gems:

N:-Hey I got my package!
S:-Yeah? let's see, how many did you get?
N:-Hmm, two. Chocolate and banana flavour (or was it vanilla and banana?)
U:-Wow, I can't believe you spent £100= for those. In my case I just reduce the amount I eat.
Me (unaware of things):-What? What did you get?
N:-Meal replacement powder
Me:-You mean like Slim F*ast? How much? Is that the same as powder juice like K? I hope you got more than 2 flavours because you're going to not like those flavours after 3 days! (imagine 5kg of each flavour)
N:-Well, this is supposed to be a meal on its own but I will still eat dinner and maybe fruits...
S:-But you must exercise as well, running especially. how long do you run?
N:-Well I'm not too good at running
Me (very proud):-yeah you only ran 10min while I ran 20min! Come on!
S:-Hum, did you know? Clara WhatsherName has a line of lingerie now.
Me:- i dont know her
S:-Oh yeah, that's ok
E:-Who? Oh..hehehehehe
Me:-Not sure what is the news here, unless she designs lingerie for guys?
S:- EH? What?
So I just get back to work because some client wants my advice on something, then tells me my voice is really pleasant, 3 times....before I pass him on to somebody else.

U:-So mine is 20%. Hey S let me measure yours.
S:-How is it calculated?
U:-you take your waist size and your weight and you can calculate it (with a measuring tape in his hands)
Me:-Is this your BMI you are talking about?
U:-Yep
S:-How come you dont take into account the height?
U:-I don't know
Me:-Ahhhh so really I have the perfect BMI for a 1m90 person
N:-HAHAHAH so are you 1m90
Me:-I sure feel like it!
P:-Hey do you have some food, sweets, anything?
K:-Hey I am lifting 140kg now (wait or was it 40kg? I really dont know and didn't pay attention to this one)


I don't even transcribe here the talks about shagging and pulling someone, or the description of certain women...


At this point I leave the area to take some fresh air...Because I just imagined working with a lot of women, and seriously it depressed me a bit.Can you imagine that times 100, with added make up tidbits and gossips?

These guys are awesome! They give me just enough for entertainment!! And sometimes they speak in codes, making me work hard trying to decode their references, as they often refer to guys stuff, like cars, cartoons, french movies, porn movies, etc....

Today I ended up the day swearing like a low life....I guess all these testosterone rub off on me a bit...I wonder why all these aggressivity in me...Tomorrow let us all wear a skirt.

Some trip across East London...

Thursday evening, after abandonning the 7+ guys to abr hop on their own (one Mai Tai did me in), I stumbled back home, hoping to crash on my bed soon. Alas, that World War 2 blitz bomb prevented me from getting home. They were suspending the service towards my home at 21h30, and I waited with loads of people for more than 30minutes to cacth a train home, only to see one arrive, packed with smelly tired workers, unwilling to concede any cm2.

So we waited another minute for the next one to arrive half empty. A trip that would take 45min took me 2hours. And Friday morning wasn't easy either as the damned bomb still prevented trains to go throught heir usual routes. So we all took a long detour, but ended up to work. I was debating whether to catch the bus from the house directly but decided for the train, which was not too packed luckily, but would go as slow as a snail in a rainforest...yes, so that you can admire everybody else's junkyard along the railways of course!
Now you would think they probably evacuated a whole town to detonate that thing safely. Unless they just like to piss travellers off by changing their train schedules, closing train stations, and making us walk in the rain. And this eveing at 1835 was the worst time to travel through the London public tranportation as we were all caught back in time and held in unknown locations (between train stations).

None of the lines I usually take were working. And I had to backtrack myself twice to catch the bus home. That fantastic bus was super packed and even from the deck i could see the hordes of people trying to fit in a red motorized tin can. The silver lining was that I finally got to see Easy London by bus, and not just the motorway by black cab.

I suppose there are prettier areas in town, but passing all though those rundown 'villas', the old cinemas converted in bingo halls, loads of chicken joints, and even a housing development having a poem about hemoglobin and chlorophyl to emphasize the marriage of human and nature...except the whole building was in red bricks and there were no trees or plant in sight....adios chlorophyl! Besides,given the amount of sun in this area of the planet, only the moss growing on top of bus stops can claim to use chlorophyl.

About 40min by bus and I was finally dropped not far away from home...not sure if the blitz bomb has been safely removed, but with the amount of water dropping from the skies, we can only hope it's been drowned otherwise.

I suppose I will stay happily at home, cleaning up glasses and planting undersea trees for the future.

How to let go?

By running till I'm out of breath
After eating a box of Phish Food ice cream on sale
Or by practicing that scale till my elbows and ears hurt
And I can still phantom play the piece in the train
By getting lost into idiomatic expressions in different languages
and wrapping my head around kanji symbols
Yet...
My longing remains.

Facial hair festival in Notting Hill

I ended up sampling some gypsy music at the Notting Hill Art Club, where the Transiberian Marching Band was playing. And since they were having this revolutionary festival, we tried out some facial outfit.

Sonata in A minor (op.42)

So here is Diane Walsh playing the piece I am trying to learn these days: my favourite Schubert from now on.
So, this piece has 7 pages and i finally started learning page 3..hehehe, I am also practicing the finger jumps..hmmm and I am missing some high and low notes but hey, I can hear the sound in my head and hopefully my fingers also will remeber these notes...GAMBARIMASU YO.

Spring in Panam

It's been a while since I felt the warmth of a sping sun, and an hour south of Londonium was very much sunny as the season was well advanced. I re-disocvered Notre Dame from the outside ins; ate gyros, crepes, kaiten sushi, pomme de pain sandwich, daloyau ice cream, macarons, and lazied up in Luxembourg garden like in the old times. Even managed to get my dose of Louvre for probably another decade. It probably helped to pretend to be a tourguide for this tourist.


It was a bit nostalgic and I sometimes felt 14 again at times...how strange!

My 'secret' garden...

It is secret because noone knows what is in those 2 pots: after planting some grains on sunday, every morning I wake up excited that maybe some magic happened and I will see some new little green plants emerge from the brownish dirt! I am even tempted to do the same dance as in the anime となりのトトロ (Tonari no Totoro). Except I have to wake up at 6am these days so really, the only dance I manage to do is to not to sleep on the toilet...heheh

In any case, now that I have proved myself in the rearing of plants that don't die upon my presence, I am getting adventurous and trying on to grow things that I could eat...of course I like pretty things too, such as the pink pale tulips...


But all my efforts are always to fill my stomach...

Beethoven Sonata #5 Spring

1 st Movement, by Szeryng/Rubinstein

Homesick

So i got hooked on a japanese tv series and rediscovered music pieces heard decades ago:the power of an orchestra,the versality of piano, the poignant violin...am homesick of the past.

'I fought the war, but the war won'

After a girls' night out, where I stuffed myself with well deserved lobster, given I swam like a Sharks survivor for 20min, it was time to test the fuzzy feeling left by the dessert wine Vin Santo. I must stay I got the buzz, with red cheeks and easy smiles, and a warm feeling of time wisely spent.

Unfortunately my route was troubled by public transport and its users. I was peacefully digesting my giant load of food, when some stereotypical kid in hoodie, baggy pants and arrogant way of walking got in the coach, stood next to me near the door, finished rolling up his herbs, lit it up, took a puff and exhale the disgusting smell of hash...well, in my head I was cursing his unconceived descendants (ie wishing for his low fertility), while wishing for his puff to choke him. So in my sweetest voice, I said:
-'excuse me, could you please turn that off. I am allergic'
I was almost hoping he was blind to not see the big red non smoking sign all over the carriage. Or maybe he didn't understand English? But then this punk asnwered while trying to shamefully extinguish his poison.
-'you should have stopped me before I lit it up'

Maybe I should have just taken the whole think and extinguished it with my foot. So I told him he knows he shouldn't be smoking in the tube anyway. To that he mumbled something about being 'strict'...really, I could have mumbled something about 'respect'. But I was most amazed noone else actually reacted when he lit up that cigarette!

At the next stop, some people got off at the station so some seats became vacant, so I put some distance between myself and the 'may he die painfully' kid. And sure enough, he lit up his thing again! And once more, noone among the 30 people in the carriage said nothing. So I got up and left the damn carriage!

Maybe I am making a big deal of this, but it is not a good sign when noone other than my 1m50 person to stand up to a kid disturbing your well being in a public transportation.

I well remember that proverb we put in school for a cultural event:'it takes a village to raise a kid'..well this community I am living in is not raising the kids very well...

Snowy Clapham Common

Snow!

And i slept over and have to walk under snow

If I had £2 000 000....

Yesterday I was sleepily pressing the button on the watermachine to get some hot tea at work before settling on my desk, when a colleague from the English team happily said: 'I bet if you were given £2 000 000 you'll be more awake and happier'....

Of course it took me about 9 years to realize he was speaking to me. Then another 8hours to register what he said. I already had my sleepy smile on my face, then andwered:'well, I don't know what I'll do with that money'. Then another 27 seconds later, with my hot camomille tea in hand, my head cleared up a bit, as he was telling me about investment, and I had to listen and try to understand what he was saying...so eventually I was forced into a conversation where my main participation was to say:'I'd have too much to do I'll be even more stressed, and let's face it, the more I have the greedier I tend to become and so I won't probably enjoy it more than now.'

After that 5 minutes conversation, I was fully awake, and worked hard until 17:30....it's only coming back home after gym, reviewing for my exam once last time (exam which I really hope I passed because I am not confident in my answers anymore)...well, after all that, when I was slipping into unconscienceness of my dear sleep, my last thought was that indeed, I wouldn't know what to do first if I get £2 000 000.

Now I think it's a bit odd, because I am sure a lot of people will have an aswer right away, of their plans, their first purchases, or investments...Is it because I don't know the value of the amount? Or because I have no plans, no objectives? Or maybe I don't aim for that amount of money so that I haven't spent it already in my mind?

It's not the lact of projects that actually stops me. It is the fact that the possession of that amount would make me happier for a long time that I challenge. Upon reception, of course I will be overjoyed to see the chance to live some projects. But it doesn't mean there won't be any sacrifices. And those still would hurt....

Because I've always beena big spender, my only chance of being happy in the morning would be to wake up very late, and getting a very sunny and warm weather...and being with people I love...how sentimental...now I guess £2 000 000 could make that happen...maybe...

In the meantime, I have to loose weight and continue running like a sloppy hippopotamus on a treadmill...may my knees not buckle and my back keep me vertical...

A rainy day in London Town...

Sometimes I am determined to brave a horrible weather to see tall and heavy boys row on a river. That was today, and I think I won't attend that boat race again unless it is very sunny and warm outside. After all they don't need the wind, they really row for like 19 minutes do to 4 miles. So, Oxford (blue team)beat Cambridge (white team) this time. It just reminds me I need to visit Cambridge someday.


In any case, there were quite a lot of people south of the river, and I could see the forest of umbrellas from across the Thames. There was also a boat filled with spectators cozily snapping pictures at the poor 18 crew members getting ready to row from the top of their lungs for 4 miles in 8C and horizontal rain...



That area is quite nice actually, around Putney bridge. There is a lovely muddy park with a path along the Thames, and blooming magnolia trees, a cute church and a cute house in Bishop's park. I will have to walk along the river westbound this summer to explore that area.

We all learned English with the same book

Gad Elmaleh, who kept me company during my sickness...

'Dactylo Rock'

Mathieu Boogaerts & Mathieu Chedid

Oh bear, panda bear

Seriously coming nose to paper to this was a bit disturbing. But why not? Anything from the far east seem fashionable these days, and millions of people will be already buying into panda trinkets with the olympics...I just hope they don't disturb the beast too much..it's a bear after all, not so sociable an animal...

I am having a white Easter

And now it's snowing...
And I am missing the 'colour of magic' on telly tonight.

Ping pong....FX

Impossible! I ran out of shampoo!r

And so I had to find an excuse to get out of the house, while my body clearly didn't want to leave the bed it was sweating into for the past 4 days. A short trip to the doctor, where I had to beg for an appointment*, and a short trip to the drugstore, to find the prescribed drugs, and a shampoo..and am back with my forest of tissues and chicken soup. I am not sure which is worse: the hammering of the construction outside the windows, or the persistent piercing pains at my temples. But then when I am about to choose, the coughing starts over and nothing else matter that the few bursts of air that manages to get in me...

Maybe I should have called 999 Saturday. But then again, how many in a life threatening situation remember to identify it as life threatening? I was just sweating a cold off....now I am suffering one...

*To you, oh unaware of how medical care works: When one is ill, one needs to phone his General Practitioner and get an appointment. If you haven't registered to a GP, then you cannot get an appointment but have to show up at some hospital...
In my case, my GP is in West London, I don't know where the nearest hospital, and I called on monday to get an appointment on wednsday....Then I called again this morning to beg, and finally got one at 10...LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

Weekend bite size pleasures

Fantasy muffins

Stroll in Camden Market to see what's left from the fire

Blown away, or how NOT to start a good Monday

Unlike the movie that could be coming to mind, I was not in passionate romantic epoch piece or story. I was merely trying to wake up when getting off the train when the wind attacked me trough my very bones and started to fight against my poor umbrella. Halfway to work my umbrella gave up and flew away, leaving me with a pathetic metallic rod to protect me from the gale and wind along the few yards leading to work. Also my lunch box broke and I was left holding my 2 tupperwares of chinese curry and courgette like a famished vampire protecting its last drops of blood...Then in the lobby at work, I was told the elevators weren't working...so in my mindless state, I had to climb the stairs to the 7th floor.

I would like to think I was being punished but I am not sure for what. On the other hand I didn't go to the gym this evening.

My only consolation for tonight is to be able to post my letters, which are 1 week overdue, and to buy some lamb to cook that rendang one more time...to prove myself I didn't do it by mistake.

'I am not a target market'

I am re-reading Generation X from D. Coupland and it always makes me laugh and sad at the same time. Good read always. Otherwise I realize I am becoming a 'devil' wearing 'prada': my plastic glasses have that little logo I am afraid, and I've just accepted an invitation that another one of my colleguae, more senior than me, could have accepted as well. being a second choice though, I did not hesitate. Only upon knowing who the 3rd choice was I realized I migght have hurt his sensibilities. but I doubt he really wanted to attend this thing anyway...for me it's free lunch....:) I will try to be cute and well behaved but really I am there for the free food...nothing has changed much.
Still, there is this conscience whispering for 'justice' or order of things...ah well...I have to look after myself as well when that time comes. I will have to be super helpful in the future to make sure I don't run on my own but with everyone else. I am very gregarious when I think about it. I like to stay in the safety of the pack. I do my own things though,

I am preparing for a busy week as Zab is coming over to try out my new flat and to bring me some wine, and hopefully some Kambly...What to do?
Thursday we're going to see Wicked, the musical that tells the story of the witches of Oz
Friday, well hopefully if my body can handle it afte rmy early morning shift, we will hang out at the Big Chill or Guanabara, depending on the mood.
Saturday, some sightseeing could be nice, chilling and strolling, maybe a boat ride to Kew?
Sunday, I should rest, or hang out at Spitalfieds Market, weather permitting...especially if I need to replenish my fridge.

But today, I will need my beauty sleep.

The house has been warmed.

I can still remember my first kiss and my first gin and tonic. I also remeber my first heart ache, even if I am not too sure over which boy. There are litle things that I am not sure why I remeber, like the kid ritual to bury leaves to make the rain stop falling. Or the noise and bustle of a ballet class when I was barely 6 year old. I am sure I will remember my first housewarming decades from now though because I actually had to cook for 9 other people and they ate most of the food and even said it was good...It gives me a bit of confidence in my well renowned experimental bad-looking cooking. So let me write down the recipes of these dishes I served my first ever guests:
-Lamb Rendang: cook cubes of lamb with a bit of oil and basil leaves, adding boiling water and simmer for million years while I am cleaning frenetically the flat until midnight. The next evening, while the guests are trickling in, add the Indofood spice mix for Rendang beef and let simmer again for another 7000hours until you serve it to the guests. You can also add some coconut milk to make it cremy but I thought there was enough fat with all the oil...it turned out ver nice and sooo tender I was suprised myself (so I'll make sure to start simmering the day before to make somthing tender)
-Ikan Bumbu Bali: That's fish with some balinese spices. Again, fry the fish filets in the morning with a bit of olive oil and lemon juice, leave it in the fridge until coming back from work. Heat up some oil with the IndoFood Bumbu Bali spice mix, then add in the fish...I was supposed to add in some more fresh tomatoes and onions, but since the guys already ate up the lamb, and I was pretty drunk by 9pm, and I couldn't find any room to chop the veggies, I figured they're just going to eat fish...serve it up nice and warm
-Wonton: dump the wontons in boiling water. My pot was so small it ended up being a big block of wonton that we had to cut with a knife and serve with soy sauce and sweet and chili thai sauce.

My coworker (Little Chef) who knows how to cook brough 4 tons of rice (I had to buy a big pot to be able to heat it up), another potful of curried lentils, and made chicken tikka upon arrival at my house....It was really yummy and I am seriously glad he pitched in for the rice and all the chicken and lentils...Instead of waiting for monday to eat his lunch, I can now eat some of his cooking during this weekend..hehehhe

It was a night of missing pots and ustensils of all sorts to use (foil wrap, pots big enough to cook for 10 people, working space, soft drinks, ice cream, snacks). I had to ask another coworker (still can't find a name for him) to buy appetizer, beer, juice, and a pot to reheat the rice. I also had to go downstairs at the local supermarket buy ice cream, and another pot to reheat the lentils.

I ended up with 2 additional huge pots, 3L of vanilla ice cream, lemon tart, chocolate cheesecake, 1 Riesling, 1 red wine, a bottle of champagne we forgot in the fridge, 2 beers, 2 bricks of juice, 1 coke, millions of containers with leftovers so that I won't cook for next week, and a good feeling that I fed 10 people, including myself.

This morning I ate wonton for breakfast and froze the rest for next week. I also will have enough fruits for the week: melon, prunes, grapes, aple, banana.

It was a well behaved party, the place is intact and all tidied up by 2am, and I just need to figure out how to make the dishwasher work once I buy some soap....

At the end of the tunnel

Do you see my door at the end of this corridor?

I love this phone

So thanks to a colleague i get a basic slow internet connection by connecting my 3G enabled mobile to my laptop. I cant uplnad much but i can check my mails!

Sunset

Yup. From my messy new flat.

View from the flat

This morning i realize my windows face west. Nice sunset from the balcony to look forward to!

London 0, Fog 2

It's only the second foggy day but I kind of like the sight of it. When I wake up in the morning, everything beyond the 3m mark is masked by a thick white fluffy cotton fog. It's refreshing to walk into, and the light does not hurt my puffy eyes. When I get to work, the view from the 7th floor is magnificent: nothing but white cotton through the glass window and I get this feeling I am in space, up in the clouds...very uplifting.

Even better this morning when the shuttle driver decides to change route and cut through some 'residential' area with litle parks. I missed my camera and was too sleepy and dreamy to take out my phone and snap away the shapes of tortured naked trees in the fog. That other route was rubbish too as it wasn't quite a shortcut with all the constructions along the road, and the traffic jams along the way. I felt completely lost until we ended up at the roundabout next to our building.


I hope the fog continues, it completely fits my mood right now...I am quite poor after paying my deposit and rent for the new flat. So to relax a bit, I paied £21 more to have my hair washed, my head massaged and my hair cut. Now all i need to do is finish whatever is in the fridge and freezer and hope I won't have leftovers to throw away or carry over East London....

All I need now is a facelift because as my colleagues say, 'I look like shit recently'...charming

Mai, Mitoko, and me

Sometimes falling asleep while watching movies in the early mornings makes me so nostalgic. I do love following stories, whether in books, movies, ballet, stage, music...So today apart from moving dust around and a lame attempt to clear the room, the agenda was to take catnaps and watch all the movies I can watch. They are meant to inspire and give me courage.

Something funny: a night out on Brick lane was suggested at work..after I move away from the area..so ironic. But I guess I will enjoy coming back.
Something to plan: maybe this year I will give a Valentine's day present, if I remember in time to find and get it. This would be a first.
Something to remember: to remember
Something kinda gross yet lifesaving: inactivated forms of a virus must be grown inside chicken eggs. DNA vaccines, on the other hand, can be grown in bacteria,

'Ave Caesar, ave moi'

really even with the subtitles it would have been quite difficult to understand the jokes and references to French films and songs. But it was a good laugh, with loads of sports stars and actors.

'Chasing Cars' - Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life



Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
------------------------------------------------------
Something that always brings tears to my eyes as I miss you

Bye bye 'twenies'

I love cartoons, I watch anime
I lick the Nutella pot clean with a finger, a spoon or a knife
I still bite my nails
I can't cook following a written recipe
I still cry loads when I like someone and I don't see why they don't like me
I am still not comfortable talking about sex in public
I can't drink more than 2 glasses of alcohol without being trashed
I still think I can do ballet with a 40kg buttock
I like fairy tales and read them from time to time.
My hair is till black and I haven't found a white hair yet but lots of split ends :(
I like sweet and candy, and carambar and malabar
I still hate waking up and going to work even if sometimes it's fun during the day
I like lego, a lot
And collage

Funny I got older supposedly!

Bears and bulls, rising prices etc...

Of course I now take some curious pleasure in reading some business section of some free newspapers. Having sat through a 2 hour introduction to financial data (which I requested), I should understand a bit more what those people in suit and ties are wasting lines and paper about. Well, it is still like chinese, but as exciting as learning a new language: as long as you know a little bit here and there, it is fun to recognize and understand words and concepts here and there. It is like grasping the 50% of a sentence, and the hilarious aprt is to try guessing what the real sentence was.

So sometimes I can make up a story and some reasoning or prediction, that eventually does not turn out to be real at all. The fact that it is usually in the morning, on my way to work does help a bit.

However, I first hand noticed the price rise i London: Yesterday on my way home I bought a kebab in r oll from the take away curry shop 'Sweet and Spicy' down Brick lane. I think it cost me £1.35. It was really nice, so this evening I got tempted again and ordered the same thing. He charged me £1.40 ! I was dressed exactly like yesterday so, with even the same hairdo.

So, either:
1- he really doesn't want me to eat that anymore, or eat there anymore, or
2- there is no fixed price and I should have bargained, or
3- this country has areally high inflation, or
4- he made a mistake, or
5- this time the spicy sauce was extra (and i got it for free ysterday), or
6- I should order the same thing tomorrow to confirm any theory above

Because really, if this price increase continues, I am better of going to the 'Lahore Express' on Bethnal Green where I can get a full wrap with veggies and meat and sauce and a smile, for like £1.50 instead of a spicy kebab in a pancake....

Moving pictures

Some may wonder why I watch anime so much. I don't watch the Powerpuff girls movies where everything is roundish and cute-ish. So far the ones I have been hooked on are very disturbing ones like 'Death note', sentimental and a bit girly (such as 'Nana'), or just adventurer type anime like 'Mushishi' or 'Claymore'.

I was blown away by all of them.

'Nana' dwelled so much into women feelings and friendships, as well as loneliness, it was quite refreshing to follow a storyline where things are not always happening according to a fairytale. 'Mushishi' on the other hand consists of tales that can only be possible because of the rich beliefs in spirits in the nippon culture. A bit like how a sorcerer or a traditional medicine man travelling around the country would encounter many strange cases that reveals some behavioural oddities (example the flower which blooms everyevening and makes you forget the previous day for the rest of your life once you inhale its scent: some people are better off forgetting and seeing a new day).
One of my favourites is 'Claymore', which follows the adventures of a girl named Claire who is 1/4 monster and 3/4 human (the other Claymores are traditionally half human half monster), and who exists to kill monsters that threaten the humans...a bit twisted really. However the Claymores get their strength from their monster side, but are trained to control the monster in them. I just found it very true as most humans are monsters and it's really our humanity that makes us 'civilized' or not eat each other's guts. This week though this anime came to mind when they granted 2 labs to start animal-human hybrid cells research. I am afraid it won't be long before a lab get broken and hybrid cells that are supposed to be destroyed after research get stolen and developed into chimeras: would it be or feel human or would it be animal? How would we judge? Not content with procreation, we human really are obsessed with creation.

'Death Note' is about a psychological chase and mystery between a bored brilliant student who found a strange diary and the police led by a genius teenager. The diary allows its owner to kill anyone by visualizing the face of its victim and writing his name in the diary. Armed with the death note, he becomes drunken with ambition to create a world free of criminals, and to become the god of that world. He is challenged by the other genius who also remains anonymous. Think 'The departed' where each one tries to unmask and kill the other. This anime actually springs from a novel or a manga apparently, and there are also movies made of it. However, the characters are not as cute and polished as in the manga or anime.

Happy new Year!

Ah yes the long awaited new year...now that it is here, nothing much has changed though, so it is up to me (and all of you there, yes you! you!) to make change happen.

I am sticking to my new resolutions (okay, the ones I had last year too). I have managed to stop eating between meals, and I don't jump on snacks or croissant or sugar fix like a famished beggar anymore. Instead I painfully peel an orange and feed myself with its sticky juice.

I also discovered the joys and pains of wii. Santa Claus managed to reward our office with a wii for Christmas, so in addition to the table football, we now can play tennis, bowling, golf and boxing in the comfort of our 7th floor kitchen. I was KO by my teammate yesterday and believe me, my arms are still sore from that 5 minute match!

I will keep on swiming, and eating healthy, and hopefully will stop eating my nails along the way....add in to that the fact that i am looking for a flat for mid-february!