Happy new (rabbit) year 2011!!

Closing comments for 2010

2010 has been a year filled with painful firsts and realizations, but also some exciting highlights:
-family losses and the realization of being human, the meaning of mortality, and another taste at "regret"
-and also the comforting and beauty of family
-2hour attempt at snowboarding, in rainy weather and mushy snow
-regular badminton games
-getting a fringe again, inspired by some k-drama actress (yeah, it's quite big in my life these days)
-having korean barbecue meal surrounded by posters of kpop flower boys
-learning to control sheer disgust or repulsive feeling toward my 2nd boss to accomplish my work professionally
-looking at some guy and literally wanting to have his baby! (hormones, when did you become so unreasonable?)
-taking a 3D picture in the Sony showroom
-first contact with Singapore, and road trip to Venice


I suppose the o-mikuji I got at Izumo Taisha was right: that it was a crucially painful year but I had to keep believing and be grateful to the (8000+) Gods and I would be fine. Time stops at some point for me and I get to be wondering where I am headed, and many glittering unattainable and possible futures form up in my imagination to get me going. I promised myself to clear my emotions up in 2011 and be as decisive as in year 2009, when I managed to travel to Japan on my own strength.

As I feel weak physically when fighting the cold that keeps me from sleeping, the best cure for me is still to work hard to get that dream situation come true or become that "me" I want to see in the mirror. For the first time, I am noticing it would be tough and tiring. I am tempted to give up but that is no longer an option. A certain sense of urgency has taken over.

For 2010 though, I indeed thank the Shinto Gods for letting me recover with my family and the happiness of my friends.

Tired of waiting - 2PM

Getting tired while waiting… (U know?)
Gotten tired while waiting and~
U Know, do you know how I feel?
Gotten tired while waiting~
Do you still remember me? (Oh~ no)
Even if a day goes by, I'll still remember you
Even if a month goes by, I still won't let you go
Can you understand my desires for you? (oh~no)
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting,( yeah~)
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face

Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)
I am holding back just in case you come back, (oh yeah~ )
I am still waiting (oh yea~)
Even if a month goes by, I'll still remember you.
Even if a year goes by, I still won't let you go
Can you understand my desires for you? (oh~no)
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face
Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)

Why is it so hard
and everything's so complicated in my head.
I was waiting and waiting
and yet no answers from you
I didn't cry because of you
and you didn't leave because of me
So why is it so hard, why is it so hard?

I will wait for a year
or even a decade if I have to.
Oh~ I I I I I I I I will wait and it's fine if tire myself out.
Going insane while waiting
and each day feels like a year.
Oh~ I, I I I~ was waiting and while I was waiting
It felt as if you would come back
or if I look back I would see your face
Oh~ I I I I~ am going insane, going insane (yeah~)

2 suns this morning

 

Somehow the rising sun reflected in a dense cloud this morning..eerie feeling of a 2 sun planet