Happy Birthday

Bambi turned 1/4 century..wow

Once in a blue moon

So a blue moon is on the second full moon of the month..and it is this weekend...And it happens to be a leaving party going on...and sometimes getting back to basics or forgotten toys/tricks can make a day. Polaroid pictures were the best props this weekend: old-fashioned instant pictures...special because unique in their way and yet so ephemeral...but very suited for a time capsule.
But they are happy times...small moments of lightness in a sea of worries.

Pleasure, Fear , Pain

Pleasure:
Mouthwatering dishes sampled at the food fest last sunday: oysters, venison, sblime salmon, lots of alchol (fantastic orgasmic jamaican mule, yup),Eton mess (yummy cream and straberries),meringue and cherries and a sachertorte...aaaaaaaaaa bliss impersonated as a chocolate cake :)

Fear: how do you balance fear of death and fear of living?
having the butterflies is when you know you want to do something but you fear the pain that could fall upon you if it doesn't go according to your plans. That is what I am having these days. I am balancing fear of pain/death (or rejection shame) and fear of missing out on the great things in life.

Pain: I can't describe it because it is mainly something that hurts emotionally rather than physically. It can be so acute I'd want to chop my fingers to remind myself there are other less destructive feelings that exist...

I wanna play tetris

Solstice!

Ah so today is/was the longest day of the year. I cannot say it is a hot summer day. It is London after all and temperature did not exceed 10C according to my skin sensors. The fact that I was indoors all day (next to the ladies' toilet) may account for the discrepancies (yahoo widgets reporting a max of 19C, yeah right). Where to start?
-My feet hurt: I have been standing most of the day, trying not to lock my jaws into a yawning rictus. Working an industry fair is tough, and the freebies I manage to collect are not worth it (best this year is 2 orange mugs and a frisbee). And the guys that work in broaadcast are not hot. Trust me, we don't see any cute presenters parading in front of us. They must have their own show/fair, like beautiful-people-only club or something because we don't have our fare of those..
-'My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to DIE'..yeah, I feel like watching that movie ..again....and having a talk along show..hehehe...
-Belive it or not, I seem to have lost some armlets since last septemeber, because I now fit into my work polos without cutting the circulation from my fingers to my heart...muahahaha...
-I look forward a mini ex Main Campbell reunion this saturday.
-And I can't wait till I eat the food at Taste London, even if the weather forecast is crap crap crap...Maybe I will wear my Wellington rainboots and will be first at every booth..yay...sounds like a plan.
-I haven't eaten home since last week. I got sick, collected chicken soup and now what's in the fridge is lettuce and rocket salad..ugh

I am getting back to my Discworld novels...I am 37% geek after all, which is very strange because...sigh....alright, I am home on summer solstice...mind you I wanted to go to Stonehenge too but you know how it is, time just flew by and I forgot to make arrangements to get out there...

So you think you can dance...

That is the title of a show equivalent to American Idolor X-factor. In any case it's probably fun because people can do amazing things or just end up bumping in the ground accidentally.
Speaking of dance, I wa slucky last thursday as I went to salsa class (level 2). And nope, I didn't do elvel 1. I figured I wanted to skip the sweaty awkward and limp hands guys in level 1, and go straight to the guys who supposedly know the basic steps in level 2...I can be mean sometimes, but it is necessary too enjoy an hour of dance, to actually dance. It went well, my partner (giant large shoulder German whose name I cannot remember) did ballroom dancing and knew how to lead...relief! We actually danced on music, not thinking 1234567 for an hour!

The nextevening it was party time with the whole Moulin Rouge with the party people at Unilever. There was even a casino with real chips but no money. At least I got to learn how to play - loose at roulette. Blackjack was fun though and my host was a real master at it. I ended up waitressing for the blackjack banker...ugh.

Oufit? hmmm not very saucy. A few women pulled the mesh stockings and black underwear style. There was one pettycoat, a couple of cabaret dancers with the baton and nice hat. And many evening gowns with a twist. I only bumped into one very cute guy while looking for the seating map.And I kept looking for him the whole evening...besides, it gave me some excuse to observe the crowd. Those people could dance, and drink. I love the lighting as it soothed the eyes with its pink and purple glares.I had 4 glasses of wine on top of the initial half shot of vodka (my first ever). It was very difficult to walk but fortunately I had my killer shoes on....yes the ones that potentially kill me.

The rest of the weekend went by without any hitch, except some feminine problems that was a bit embarassing because I was not prepared and kept having nightmares about staining...ugh....sad! A well deserved break from stress.


Did you know that one chat up line is: 'what book have you read recently?' I could not believe it myself because I actually fell for it naively when I first moved in this country! Mind you, I like Mr right to be able to read and enjoy books I like....still....schoking!

Des betises

Sung by Julien in the French version of Amrican Idol or X-factor, singing a cover of Sabine Paturel..this reminds me of sweet dull afternoons like todaye when my head is trying to get startedand just can't do anything right.



J'ai tout mangé le chocolat
J'ai tout fumé les Craven A
Et comme t'étais toujours pas là
J'ai tout vidé le Rhum Coca
J'ai tout démonté tes tableaux
J'ai tout découpé tes rideaux
Tout déchiré tes belles photos
Que tu cachais dans ton bureau


Fallait pas m' quitter tu vois
Il est beau le résultat
Je fais rien que des bêtises
Des bêtises quand t'es pas là

J'ai tout démonté le bahut
J'ai tout bien étalé la glue
Comm' t'étais toujours pas rev'nu
J'ai tout haché menu menu
J'ai tout brûlé le beau tapis
J'ai tout scié les pieds du lit
Tout décousu tes beaux habits
Et mis le feu à la pend'rie

Fallait pas m' quitter tu vois
Il est beau le résultat
Je fais rien que des bêtises
Des bêtises quand t'es pas là
Fallait pas gâcher mon cœur
M' laisser sans baby sitter
Je fais rien que des bêtises
Des bêtises quand mes yeux pleurent

J'ai tout renversé les poubelles
J'ai tout pillé ta belle vaisselle
Attends c'est pas tout à fait tout
J'ai aussi dépensé tous tes sous

One day of summer

Despite a choking cough and running nose in blistering 25C, I managed to drag myself to the newly refurbished Royal Festival Hall yesterday and see a few uplifting afternoon performances.

Vaguely remember going to bed last night, after chugging a bottle of Night Nurse...

'Today has been okay'

By Emiliana Torrini
And clips from Grey's Anatomy



Friends tell me it's spring
My window show the same
Without you here the seasons pass me by

I know you were not new
That loved like me and you
All the same I miss you

Today has been ok
Today has been ok

Preacher lost his son
It's known by all in town
He found him with another son of God

Feeding on that prayer
Never mind what God said
But love had lost its cause
And I thought today had been ok
Today has been ok
Today has been ok

Wind has burned your skin
The lovely air's so thin
The salty water’s underneath your feet

No one’s gone in vain
Here is where you'll stay
This life has been insane but
Today has been ok
Today has been ok

Today has been ok
Today has been ok

Small miracles

Sometimes, it is worth noticing the small miracles in this sad life, because there is nothing else to think of, other than depressing bleak weather.

So.

Starting with the fact that I have been invited to a ball! And the fact that I have been invited by a girl doesn't change my amazement and excitement. After all, apart from ring dance, I have never been to any ball. Iam trying to sort chronologically search my memory but unless there's a blck hole in there, I cannot see another occurrence of a ball.And it is a themed ball (yes, my favourite), so it will be a summer dance/halloween practice/mardi gras...

The other thing is that someone at work gave me a t-shirt! A while ago, this bicycle (or bycicle?) fanatic wore a manga t-shirt and I complimented him on it. I said something like: 'oh cool t-shirt! didn't know you liked anime/manga'. So he gave it to me. So now if I like something you wear, I expect you give it to me after I complimented you about it...I am a simple mind...


The last thing which I find quite sweet and very rare, is the fact that another person at work doesn't leave unless he asks me: 'are you ok? are you gonna be ok?' Which is quite responsible, isn't it? Or maybe he thinks I am incapable and quite scatterbrain and easily stressed...ah well, it's just funny how I have to almost kick him out because really, I am fine (even if I have no idea what is going on).


And of course other small miracles daily occur at work when things supposedly go wrong, panicked stupid b***ds call and ask for advice, and who minutes later say there is no more problem, for no reason...But I stay merry and pop in more drugs, and stay in bed because I am ill, sick and very drowsy, and can only hope there are some more small miracles worth experiencing...

'Everything' by Michael Bublé

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.


And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.


And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.

I don't need a reason not to care

True or False?
- I have been called a man, because all I could do or think of after mind blowing sex is sleep (well, if it was that good then really might as well pass out afterwards because nothing else matters)
- I have been dumped by a woman/girl (it was very platonic, promise, but the fact is I got dumped! annd by a girl!)
- I don't give second chances (so far anyway. Like Mr Darcy says, 'my good opinion once lost is lost forever')
- I am a dreamer, romantic, idealistic non girly girl.