Thursday, August 28, 2008

Falling in love...

The quiet moment that makes me look back and smile, is when I picture the moment I fall in love. It's usually a blurry and silent moment, because my memory erased all sounds and only remembers one beat of my heart, a single intake of air that stays frozen in time.

A crush has a scent of colonne or after-shave, and usually emotions come bursting into full fledged lust. My crushes are my source of light headedness and replaying of impossible ero-scenarios until I face reality and surprise myself day dreaming or being stupid.

That suspended moment in time when I fall for someone is the beginning of my worries. At that time I fully acknowledge my feelings for him: his pains become mine, his joys are my source of joy, etc...typical textbook cliche. Every casual time spent together becomes happiness.

I tend to forget about what I want during those happy times. I loose myself into making him happy that I sometimes erase myself. (Un?)Fortunately my tolerance is pretty low (and maybe selfishness is only dormant) so the smallest misconduct annoys me and my over-reaction is to pull back to re-assess what the relationship is giving me...Being a very idealistic person, I usually assume he reads minds. Being an unforgiving type, I have a hard time with all types of treachery.

Looking back could make me want to get back to those times, to fall in love again.

But first,

let me heal the wounds after falling...It's not all cotton buds, rose petals and feather we are falling into.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Some funny choreography in funny clothes

Gomen ne Juliet


Pinky


They all look 12..The moves look cool without the baggy lycra shining clothes...

After Olympics dramas

So now that I no longer can watch the Olympics at work (Tae kwon do, GRS, Synchronized swimming), I get to watch some weird Japanese series online...so I graduated from anime and dived into live actions....Sadly enough I've watched loads fo thema nd here are my 3 picks so far:

-Last Friends: about friendship and love
-Code Blue: Think ER with an helicopter (and yummy Yamapi)
-Puzzle: quite hilarious mystery series, especially the way they use English at the beginning.

Well some of them are still airing and season finales are approaching. In the meantime, I've totally lost track of what is airing in the West. I guess my head is kind of Asian oriented these days.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Thoughts of a tired mind

Discipline has never been my forte. I need that peer pressure to keep striving for my own goals:going to the gym at work, repeating out loud that I need to spend more time learning Japanese, repeating out loud that I have a test coming up next week...unfortunately I also tend to say out loud that I am hungry, tired and pissed off....

There are too many things that prevent me for keeping my discipline: minimal social life (though I ate out twice this week), various series online to watch (hmm to practice my Japanese reading and listening)...

Most importantly after that weekend in Savoie, I realize I tend to enjoy the company of various people, most often very different people with completely diverse interests and personalities. I haven't yet met that one person that has all those interesting characteristics, and I know I will never meet one. It's a tough realization that is starting to sink in that maybe I will have to settle for less than everything:)

It is also a given fact that at this point I am in no way inclined to sacrifice what I want to do for anyone else's sake..except maybe family members...

When deciding on where my career is going, it is even more vague than usual. There are a lot of things I do not want to do, and even more things I would like to try. There is just not enough time in this life to have it all, hence this other frustration griping my forehead.

Being greedy sure is painful! Is it easier to make decisions for someone you love? I imagine it is because you already have an idea of what is good or would make that someone happy...in my case, I dont know what will make me happy...