Being first or being best seems to be the main objective around: best in class, first in course, first on the moon, first to arrive, first class cook, etc...On a slow evening, I wondered what the rest of us humans with no known talent or gift could be doing or aspire to. Is there something, anything, that I can be first or best at? Or is the question a self help tool to gain self confidence?
To answer it myself, as expected, is to compare myself to others, for sure. Strangely, being umber one can be assumed as well, which led to differen feelings when it was discovered it wasn't true. Not so much a sense of self importance, but a general assumption when I was young, and the world revolved aroun me (at least that was my idea).
I got a shock when I got the second best grade in Maths. Being stunned and unable to believe the world, nor the teacher. Strangely years later, when I was among the last in class, I didn't feel the same surprise or astonishment, but rather a sense of resignation and amazement at the size of the unknown before me. It felt like I didn't know the world anymore, and that I just needed to find the leading thread among the millions of possibility so that I could make sense of it. Funnily enough, I enjoyed being second and still yearn to be second in many things unindentified, because the spotlights and pressures are less of a constraints.
Being third also came as a suprise, by being rewarded at a pumpkin carving contest. It was indeed the most enjoyable experience because nothing was expected. And it is probably true that bronze medallists are happier than silver medallists in general.
Sadly, I cannot remember being fourth and more. And the majority of us fall in that category, as it is commonly left aside and not rewarded or awarded. I often encounter driven individuals who aim to emerge from that mass of people, to become the best this and that, to survive and make a living. Because indeed, it pays to be recognized.
I do remember being last, on a 8km run, and I wonder if I am recognized...The experience was a character building experience. Sure, there was the outside pressure of finishing the race, but there was also a self that needed to get something accomplished. Maybe in a sense, I discovered that being last was still worth my praise.
It is enough for me to be your number one (so cheesy). Actually, what is important is that I believe I am your number one...
