Can't we maintain peace without guns, bombs etc...?

Note to selfL look up those paintings titled 'War' and 'Peace'

So last weekend with Zab, I finally bought my own rubber rain boots: brown with stylish pink flower petals. And I even wore them today as London weather poured its cool autumn sorrow onto the city. I did miss most of it as I slept though the whole day after my night shift. I woke up chilled by the lack of food in my belly (almost 24hr without solid food!).

An unsuccessful shopping trip on Monday was to look for Sun Tzu's Art of War in bookshops. They usually store it in the business and management aisles, but I couldn't find any. I guess I should have headed straight to the British Museum store. I also found my Janson & Janson History of Art book but it was so expensive (£54.90) I'll probably wait till January to buy it in the US online or something. I still have loads to read anyway.

There is a heaviness in the air. I feel like walking through fog and smoke (duh, it's London), and seeing different landscapes in the horizons through the clearings and sunny spots. And I am not sure how to get to any of them, because I don't really know what I am doing or what I want to do. It's quite frustrating and I fight the urge to close my eyes and let it pass. It's a balancing act I've never had to do before and it won't be the last one I face. Someon said to me once it looks so boring and common to be set for the postcard family in a house path. No matter how I long for adventure in the Sahara or in Asia, I know I still need that kind of comfort.

but then again I have been accumulating so much junk all my life. It is really a therapy but I need to find the source of it, not just to relieve the symptoms. Why do I keep buying trinkets and useless crap everywhere? Is it to remind me where I've been or to show off to my friends? Because most likely I would not give it away but keep it among my other junk. I rarely get it for charity and often buy because it's so pretty, colorful, strange, shiny. And in most cases, the items would have decreased value the following year, making them a very bad investment. Do I buy it because I can, so that it becomes a power trip? Or is it because I find the world ugly around me I need those trinkets to remind me of the beautiful countries, landscapes and people I encountered?


Greed. When I'm as spoiled and lucky as I am, it'll be the end of me. For those struggling to eat, sleep and drink properly, is it called differently?