What is a personal trainer?

So yesterday, I had an appointment with my would-be personal trainer. I have been doing the cross trainer machine for 2 weeks, and hoping not to be too rusty for whatever he'll have me do.

His first question was: 'What do you want ot what are your goals?'
Me:'To loose half my legs and tummy, and the flabs on my arms' (a reasonable request don't you think? Would take a novice genie to fix right?)
Him:'What do you do at home about it?'

Me:'Errr, nothing, I come to the gym to exercise.' (DUH, I paied to be here, remember?)

At this point he started to scribble stuff on this exercise chart.
Him:'What machine do you use?'
Me:'I've been doing that ski thingy for about 2 weeks, every two days or so, for 45minutes. '(The idea was to flood him with info to shut him up)
Him:'What about the bike?'
Me:'I dont' like the bike because it hurts my bums' (clear, direct, concise)

After more scribbling, the verdict came.
Him:'20minutes of treadmill, 6.3km/h, at 6% gradient. Then 20 minutes of bike and level 4, and 80rpm, then 10minutes of rowing to do 2km at level 10'
Me:'Sure'
Him:'After that come and see me I'll show you the things you have to do in the weight room'
Me: 'OK' (more like what? how long is this going to take?)

On the treadmill, I started to run it but lost my breath and my legs after only 5 minutes, so I just walked it all. He came once to check on me and was pleased to see I was still standing (or maybe surprised?), so he upped the speed to 6.5km/h....bastard!!

On the bike, I barely reached the 80rpm, and my bums, back and thighs were sore after only 4 minutes of that biking stuff...really boring too, so I just biked in aleisurely pace in between 2 minutes of effort. The rowing was easier though I only did 1.8km in 10 minutes....Level 10 is the highest level!

My flatmate was laughing so hard at me, and she was kind of getting bored of watching me suffer already. After a bit of stretching with her, I dragged my sore limbs to the weight room where all sort of torture machines awaited me.

The first exercise was ok, though after a serie of 30, I was ready to go home. Then he put me on another one that works another part of the arm....which kind of hurt my neck. Then he tried to put me on the press bench for the legs, but only managed to fold myself into 6 and be stuck, so he gave up and gave me the exercise ball and some heavy weight instead to play against the wall(squats and stuff). Then it was another arms exercise (bloddy hell!) and finally abs...

Now, I never liked doing abs exercises, and these were no exceptions. First, you're put into a vulnerable position, lying down on your back and having to sit up, with your belly tucked. Unfortunately his exercises requires more than a belly being tucked, which was too much for my fatigued brain and will. So I painfully tried to do the series, and wasnt at all amused by the use of different color balls...

Then another verdict came after all that was done. I'll have to do all that 4 times!

So now, I'll be my own trainer for weekdays, and will try to associate weight loss with exhaustion and pain...Thank GOD I don't pay that dude!!!

To celebrate my lack of extreme soreness or pain this morning though, I am waiting for my flatmate to wake up and make some pancakes before we go to the Tate Modern see the expo on Henri Fuselli Gothic Nightmare.