I've been quite busy creating, reviewing, editing a French CV lately. It is my only deadline in about 3 years now and it felt good to be compelled to do something for my own good. Even if the results are not guaranteed and the job itself doesn't seem too technically challenging.
It also left me quite empty. I realized when I feel something I do tend to almost immediately express it, either to a plastic composite and metal scrap (i.e. a computer), or to the relevant person. So if I am happy I say so, if I am sad and missing someone, I say so, and if I like someone, I say so as well, which has the relly annoying effect of making the guy run for shelter and for a boat off the island or continent. Very disturbing. I am not sure if it is the way I express it or just the fact that I have those feelings.
I have tried being subtke about hings, but then again I don't like the idea that I am not sure what the other person understood. So soon or later, usually sooner, I blurt out what excatly is my feeling or opinion. I have been shy before, and I am still considerate to others' feelings. But I put my own feelings first by expressing them.
Electra said we are not women who receive gifts. That is because we do not know how to act needy and demanding...and maybe also I am too independent and proud to ask for anything sometimes. If I need help I will eventualy ask for it. Maybe I get it, maybe I don't but at least I asked and tried.
Yeah, i feel empty...I need that rush to make me feel alive again.
2 comments:
Muahaha, deadlines deadlines ... I have one on monday and I am reading blogs instead of working ... pffft. Tomorrow, I drag myself early out of bed and go to the university !
I live my life via the teachings of that great Prophet Homer Simpson:
'You tried and failed miserably. The moral of the story? Never try...'
It got me to where I am today. Uhm hold on....
Post a Comment